The World Full Of Suhailys

5 years

2009-04-03T10:18:00.002+08:00

It's been 5 years and 4 months

since

this blog ever existed

it has grown since...

it's so hard to let go

because

i've grown to love everything

about this blog

the outlook

and the name

its all im contented with

something that i would like to hold on

forever.

i had wanted to hold on

to this blog

to this address........a little longer

double the time, maybe

but

i have to stop posting

on to this address

this URL

im making a new one

i will not make it known

here

but i will tell you

if you just ask me in person

so long mizzhailybelo...

creep

2009-03-28T00:11:00.005+08:00

we met 4 years ago

my gosh its been 4 years?

i remembered

the first time i saw you

i liked the way you styled your hair

it was the kind that you styled

and the rest followed

den u stopped styling like dat

coz everybody is doing it

you settled to normal

we exchanged numbers

but we never contact each other

we only talk wen we met

never in 4 years

not until yesterday

out of the blue

you messaged me

havent seen you for a while

something is definitely not right

and you're not telling me

funny

that one simple msg can be such a shock to me

you didnt say anything out of ordinary

so i shant jump the gun here

just yet

...

i have another issue

which is directed to me recently

im just gonna say this

dont blame me OR others for

what your life has become right now

tink where loyalty lies within your circle

why it never existed?

its not because we're all fucked up

you are

...

oh yes..

i need to clear something up

before people think otherwise

i was chilling out with raff after work

and

this picture right here

was the wallpaper for my handphone

raff was like, "I've seen this one before..you went out with **** and had this picture taken.."

i said WHAT THE FUCK

for those who've been tricked

the picture above is taken on FADLI'S BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR

we were waiting for Fadli to come down because we were making a surprise party for him

it was uploaded on friendster and facebook

so its easy for people to just take it down

placed in their creepy handphone wallpaper

and tell fucked up LIES to people

you tell him we went out on a date and dat you were the one taking that picture of me

fuck you

we never done any of that you creep

WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS CREEPY AND FUCKING LOW

you are what i thought you are

"i'm not like all guys..." shit you

you disgust me

im so glad i never believe ANYTHING you've said to me

you're goals in life are as fucked up as you are

BE GONE

you motherfucker-good-for-nothing fucking fuck fuck

youre a sad excuse for a guy

i hate liars

and I DESPISE THEM

as far as i know

you're one of them

...

it only takes a liar

...

my brother's way of denying a girl's offer on a date

was classic

some shameless girl from friendster just asked him out for a meetup

his fabricated excuse was...

"I just fell down the stairs and I broke my frontal teeth so I have a gap in my mouth,"

and the stupid girl never contacted him ever again.

its either she got the hint or that she's so fucking shallow

that she doesnt want to go out with a guy with a gap in between in teeth

either way it doesnt matter

my brother got rid of her

its so funny

IT show

2009-03-16T10:34:00.003+08:00

went to IT fair twice with fadli
the first time along with fida
the place...
hmm...
HANTU siol
fadli did not intend to buy anything there
but just to accompany me
but he ended up buying something too
and
yours truly
bought a super big external HDD - 640GB
(like fuckin' FINALLY document backups for my poor Emi Suejitsu)
at a very cheap price
2 thumbdrives 4GB and 2GB
of course the smaller one is for my brother
which made that little bastard very happy
and an external USB ports
for that extremely pampered Chilli Padi

i had a fun time at the fair
laughing my ass off
fadli was crazy in love with the rotating coloured USB port
but he broke the ports apart
in which he dared not buy
what an idiot

i just striked off 3 items from my important to-buy list

the kid came to me
and asked
"what are you doing?"
i said
"you're not suppose to be here you pathetic little loser. now get lost!"
i tink
it'll take that stupid kid 10 more years to fully understand what pathetic means
and
that girl whose at the computer most of the time
have insulted him 10 years ago
wad a bitch, he finally realised

maybe i should just say, "get the fuck away"
so he'll be so curious and ask his mother
what fuck means
just like how i asked my mother what it meant
15 years ago

dont smile

2009-03-06T15:03:00.004+08:00

i dont smile

i have serious issues with smiley people

i hate people smiling at me for no reason

i dont make them smile

why are they smiling at me

smiley smiling people are fake

fake

fuckin' fake

aah...

world of hypocrisy

i get it

i fuckin' get it

but

i wont succumb to that world

smiles are lies

i hate lies

liars

smile when u're amused

smile when u think of something sweet/good

smile when u're a sadist motherfarker

dont smile to/for people

smile to yourself

smile for yourself

a benefit you gain by yourself

and thats...genuine

crazy people smile to themselves because they're real

they dont care about what others might think of them

its that 'others' who think people who smile to themselves are crazy

its that 'others' who are fake

picture this.

i made a lame joke.

u either laugh or you said, "thats fuckin' lame."

u smile, u know its lame but u dont want me to know

because ure a fake

and

a liar

what about this.

i pick a shirt and i said its cool

u either agree or you disagree

u smile, you think i have bad taste

but u aint telling me

do you get me?

do you fuckin' get me?

and the i-know-something-you-dont-know-smile

its fucked up

but imma like it

i wont be deceived by those who smile.

the world is not as flowery as you hope it would be

when theres people

theres no peace

accept that

so long smiley motherfuckers.

forever the cutest

2009-02-20T23:44:00.004+08:00

year 2 is finally over

every reason to love

2009-02-01T15:10:00.003+08:00

my life is complete with just the 5 of us
i wouldnt ask for more

let go

2009-01-20T18:34:00.002+08:00

i saw someone i shouldnt be seeing yesterday

on my way to work

from afar

i fucking saw him

i remember vividly

the way he walks from the back

his build

and

his height

seeing him so near

so real

angers me

i couldnt tell how i could find the guts

to just

try to follow him and find him where he'd disappeared to

in his fucked up territory

up till now,

i still needed that sincere apology

coming out of his own stupid mouth

too bad

just fucking too bad

he disappeared before i could catch up with him

i had that full desire to pick my legs up to run

like a predator eyeing for its prey

but

i controlled myself

not to become such monsters

its not worth it

fucking hell he wasnt

at all

if i were to be able to taste the blood in my mouth

i wouldnt have been satisfied

so long motherfuckers

truth

2009-01-06T01:29:00.002+08:00

2nd Jan 2009
me and the gang celebrated our 9 years anniversary of friendship.
real friendship.
it has been 9 years huh?
ah i haf great loyal friends
i just wish i didnt lock myself away in my own world
and
be too individualistic
and be such a freakin workaholic
sometimes
i haf to be part of someone
or people,
sweep my ego aside
and lean on friends
whom i realise will always be there when i need them
truths were surfaced
some were hard to believe
others were relieving
but most of all...everything has come to a light
...
speaking about truths
recently
ive found out the cold hard truth
about
something...
its heart-wrenching
throat choking
air gasping
truth
but it was worth it
to finally know the whole truth
truth hurts as always
but its always good to know
im relieved
we all need closure
no matter how bad or good it is
...
2009

the year i haf suddenly
become
AMBITIOUS

step hero

trying to do
AND
achieve

heck alot of things at once

man-slut bestfriend

2008-12-26T16:10:00.003+08:00

hi
youre like a regular hottie
who flirts with every girl you can
who dont believe in commitments
but still be loyal to your bestfriend
but
you use her for every family events
as your girlfriend
and saying thank you at the end of every event
thinking that thats enough
yeah it is
shes had enough
YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BECOME AN ULTIMATE ASSHOLE
urgh..so dis-a-gus-a-ting!

now whats the term 'slut' used for men?

what i got for christmas when i dont celebrate this holiday season

2008-12-23T13:38:00.022+08:00

first of all...

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEWLY WEDS
AMRI & AISHAH

before the nikah...stress mau rokok dulu

nyayi leng with Amri in preparation for his appearance

while waiting, we reserve a spot for our smiles

isnt she beautiful??

right after the nikah...he's legally someone's husband now

last touch up

the newly-newly weds
husband and wife

the bride's side

2nd day at the groom side
we all take pics while waiting for the newly weds to arrive

Yana (6 mths preg with a girl), Anisa (Zaidi's fiance), Me and Sis

Malay weddings are beautiful
so many pictures
so lazy to upload
haha

after the majlis, we celebrate Shukry's birthday

with a cake we freeload from the wedding
and after the birthday song, we all LEPAK
and watch Singapore lose to Vietnam

...

really what do i get for christmas
when i dont celebrate this day??

.

.

.

hahahahahah
a macbook
an ipod touch
an a Sony hp

im the happiest this holiday
and so...

and so Im having my macbook working on my left
my Emi on my right
my Sony Ericsson hp right in front of me
and my ipod touch beside it

and
my USB adapter charger for my ipod
is on its way to my mailbox

i've just striked 3 items off my 'WANT' list

what more can i ask for?

building castle in the air

2008-12-13T01:44:00.004+08:00

I WANT
to live in Manhattan
work in a prestigious advertising firm
and
dress up no matter where i go
even
to just go down to the nearest convenience store for a ciggie
or
walk (and run) in high heels...EVERYDAY
i'll have pancakes and orange juice for breakfast every weekend
at the nearest cafe (that i regular)
and read the day's paper
a cup of starbucks coffee to-go on my way to work
walk everyday to work
best of all,
own an apartment
live in the 5th floor
even in a building without an elevator
and
when i moved in
i was disturbed by that neighbour on the guitar
after days of putting up with the excruciating noise
i decided to settle it with that whomever my neighbour is
i will get out of my apartment
(in frustration of course)
and start banging on the door
when he opens the door
i was startled by how gorgeous he looks
everything in me started to melt
and
i will start blushing
and
starts babbling
about how great his music was
only to add in a teeny-weenie voice
that
he should probably set his volume a little lower
and keep saying
he's really good
and
keep
repeating it
like a doofus love-sick moronic erratic idiot
not knowing when to stop talking
or how to...
and then
scraping my heels (yes even to just go fight next door) on the floor
hoping that it'll bore a hole
so i could just jump right in
and get away from the embarrassment
after all that
i will be hoping that i will keep bumping into him
since we only live next door
and bake muffins, cookies or pies
knock on his door again
with all those bakeries
giving him the I-think-I-bake-too-much-I-can't-finish-it-on-my-own crap
just to see his face
fuuucked up
...
i love the super high-end fast paced life in NYC
i wanna go there
can i just not want to study in Australia
and go NYC instead?
fuuucked up
...
i hate people who are BORN rich
they're a bunch of CBs
they dont have time to just dream
they want it
they got it
in an instant
fuuucked up
...
when are you both getting married huh?
you're both so in my way all the time now
its PISSING ME OFF
so the rimas
get awwaaaay
FASTER
fuuucked up

and yes...

im still tired of blogging

fuuucked up

hoo

2008-11-21T12:21:00.002+08:00

im tired of blogging

OBAMA RULES.

2008-11-06T14:24:00.002+08:00

yes
congratulations
to Obama Hussein Barrack
.
.
.
he's a winner
...
i have nothing else to say
except
that

the guy who i had a crush on for years finally ask me out

LIKE FINALLY right?

...
k bye

bored and melted

2008-10-09T20:47:00.007+08:00

if a guy sing this song to me
mak ai cair sioool

im extremely bored
crazy bored
...
someone asked me to do this stupid quiz
AGAIN
he's been bugging me
i dont know why it meant so much to him
and
since i want
him to stop being such a fucking pest
and that im so bloody bored,
and that this quiz is looooong overdue
and that i owed alot to him

smirk me

Does you password has to do with a boy?
nothing i do has to do with a guy

What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?
be a good Muslim.stops drinking alcohol.stops smoking.and diligently solat.
thats more than one thing huh?
oh well...so difficult to please me

Are you a girly girl?
im a boyly girl

Small or big purses?
small

Did you dress up on halloween?
lazy

Do you call anybody by their last name?
i call alot of people by their father's name.

Do you wear makeup?
on occasions

Have you overcooked food for a guy?
i dont have the time and energy to do that for someone unimportant

Have you ever been called a bad influence?
haiz...yes...by a mother who thinks im bad for her child *droops head*

Have you ever broken a guy's heart?
regretfully yes.and i am extremely sorry.

Flats or heels?
HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.HEELS.

Skirts or jeans?
loving jeans

Socks or leggings?
socks.different colours of ANKLE socks for my sneaks

Heels or sneakers?
difficult choice.BOTH.

Straight or curly hair?
straight.

Hoops or dangling earrings?
i like dangling earrings coz it shows off and super big hoops.

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
lots of time babey.

Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
doesnt matter as long as its natural and NOT BLOND.i hate angmohs.

Do you have a bestfriend?
yes i do. *waves to SAB*

What do you think about the guy you like?
-i will never get to be with you-

Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
melanggar ugama Islam.

Do you like your life?
comfortably comfy. im lovin it.

Ever walked in to the guys toilet?
alot of times when the girls' toilet is packed.

Have you ever jumped into the pool fully clothe?
hahaha yes thrown by the animorphics guys. chalet 2002 i tink.
haiz...those were the times

Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
yes.it was a good smack in the face.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?
yeah...the I-WANT-TO-KILL-THAT-GUY kind of thinking

Do you ever wish you were famous?
have i ever? of course...

IN A BOY

Cowboy or Gangsta?
gangster fiercer.

Preppy or punk/goth?
preppy

Well-educated or dropout?
well-ed

Contacts or glasses?
glasses.

Good cook or takes you out alot?
good cook straight up

Funny or serious?
funny!

Romantic or daredevil?
i really really hate romantic guys.its corny and disgusting.
DAREDEVIL's good.

Cute or hot?
HOTHOTHOTHOTHOT

Long or short hair?
short.

Smoker or non-smoker?
non-smoker. smokers smell.

Clean or drinker?
clean please.
minum air setan jadi SETAN.bodoh.
and i will go on saying,
"A'uzubillahiminahsyaitannirajim." at your face everytime i see you.

finally the end
where the fuck do all you people get all these surveys sia...

ok bye

letter to you

2008-09-24T02:45:00.006+08:00

hi
how are you and the little one doing?
should be happy?
oh what am i saying?
you should be.
that's the first thing you said to me after the incident right?
i cant believe im still that ~~silly~~ ~~stupid~~ loser girl i once was.
i just want to say thanks
for what you did to me.
without you, i wouldnt know...
how i was deeply scrutinized by a aww-that's-so-sad-but-i-have-alot-of-other-girls-like-you-so-lets-get-over-and-done-with counselor
how depression pills feels like.
how the IMH lobby looks like with people/nurses passing by wondering if this young girl is crazy or just depressed or just having family problems
how my bestfriend (the one who you get crazy jealous about) looks at me sympathetically while sending me to weekly sessions
i feel sorry for him for the burden/trouble i've caused him
everyday i cried for myself
i cried everywhere and i dont know why
i cried in the toilet
while sleeping
while walking
while flagging for the bus
in the bus
in class
even when i watched Fifie and his bestfriend arguing
and they stopped arguing thinking that they made me cry
i cried but i dont want them to stop
because they were honest with each other
i felt like a child
and when i saw him just sleeping on the couch, waiting in the lobby for me, looking so exhausted, i find myself crying for him instead
every week, after every session, i sit on the floor, not on the couch but on the floor, in front of him watching him sleep
wondering why he cared
wondering if someone like me deserves a friend like him
everytime he wakes up, he always asked Are you feeling better?
i either nod or shook my head
never talking to him
never looking at him in the eye
never looking up
i was embarrased
crazy ashamed
i did not want Fifie to sacrifice his sleep because of me
the many times i told him im fine by myself,
those many times he said fuck you at my face
man, i needed that daily fuck yous from him
it woke me up though
at first it angers me and i screamed fuck you too Fifie!
and then everytime he will say fuck you back,sue you're such a bitch
i grinned
our idiosyncrasy made me grin even wider
then i smiled
and then i laughed
i realised i so much wanted to see my bestfriend smile back at me with relief
and i had to rebuild myself up again
thinking that if i were to live like a pathetic loser
how am i going to support him in future
if he were the one to crash and burn
i have always been this confident girl
i never thought my self-esteem would drop to near zero
so you know thanks
for giving me a sense of paranoia
for making me believe that people who smile are pretentious
fuck to those people who says, Not everyone who smiles are pretentious
i dont believe in genuinity
or fucking sincerity
fuck to those who says, Not all guys are like you
for letting me NOT see truth in people and in whatever they say
for not trusting people
everything that people say to me are just pretty words
i have these four walls around me i think its made of lead
it keeps my emotions intact and other people's feelings out
i've been bad and my karma is you
you fucked me bad and you karma is her
you have no idea what ive been through
and i have no idea what you are going through right now either
with all the responsibilities you're dealing right now
i can only smile
pretentiously
i have had wanted you to break down real bad
but i guess you are going through a lot worse than i am
you have a beautiful gift
i hope you teach the little one not be a coward just like you
after reading this,
you must be angry
or maybe you'll be laughing at my stupidity
or maybe you'll say, "I cant believe she's still talking about this?"
its been more than a year i cant believe it either
but
it doesnt matter
i aint mad at you nor will i ever hold a grudge against you
i still call you an asshole because you are but i dont hate you
i blame myself and i blame you too
i just want you to know that you did ruin me
still
i think i understand
everything happens for a reason
you should watch "Beautiful Life" Korean series
...
oh and for that particular someone,
please (yes,i said please) dont say you love me
you dont even know me
its just wrong
so wrong
...

i want to kick Fifie's stupid 7-year old KR into smitheerins
so he'll change into a new bike
the last time i had asked himto change,
he reskin his red KR to green in defiance
if i nag at him again, he threatened to respray it pink

i loathe pink

what a nitwit jackass

japanese hot bod

2008-09-22T03:00:00.009+08:00

hotness!
i know im late
but i just found out about him through j-doramas
and
im addicted to him
and
this song
i like it when yamapi goes "ahhh"
*melts...*

he's hot la dammit

to me

with hair like that
and body like that,
not too fat not too skinny
JUST HOT
his lips
my gosh... his lips
his eyes,
not as sepet as most Japanese
just nice and sexy
and a face that never smile
the serious look
that mysterious not-so-mysterious look
a face that looks like he couldnt care less
im attracted to guys like that

i think.

and PLUS he's tall

BONUS
and he's hot

how many times have i said that?

ha
breathless...

sorry fifie, i love you but you're going down on my hotness list
muahahaha.

ha! GO!

Ya Allah, adakah dia rezekiku?

2008-09-20T05:40:00.004+08:00

this is how i feel

Tell me where our time went
And if it was time well spent
Just don't let me fall asleep
Feeling empty again

'Cause I fear I might break
And I fear I can't take it
Tonight I'll lay awake, feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you
I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you

Now that I'm losing hope
And there's nothing else to show
For all of the days that we spent
Carried away from home

Somethings I'll never know
And I had to let them go
I'm sitting all alone, feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you
I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you

Somethings I'll never know, and I had to let them go
Somethings I'll never know, and I had to let them go
I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you
Feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
You're better off with out me
...

i have big dreams in future
i will let NO ONE
be the barrier
of my designated wish
nor
will i not let you
be the cause
of the annihilation of my dreams
.
.
.
read between the lines
you know what i mean

is all i can say

-Hanya Allah yang akan menentunya. Amin.-

normal

2008-09-18T16:59:00.012+08:00

i am a normal girl
with
normal overdue handphone bills

ok bye

life contract

2008-09-18T16:59:00.008+08:00

"if this is how you show how you value our friendship.
then, take it back and stuff it up your ass ok?
cos there's no way will i make any further efforts to save it.
you have shown me what a jackass you are and i as your friend of many years...
am truly disappointed.
i do enjoy being around you.
but sadly, this has got to stop.
so thanks for the memories....
do not expect to hear from me ever again.
with this, i...sabby norman wishes to terminate all kinds of acquaintanceship with you, jackasses.
be happy with your little pricks of a girlfriend and stay there.
i hope you relationship lasts because i definitely will not be there when it ends.
goodbye.
---------------------------------
i can't believe how shit people can be towards precious friendships.
go to hell!"

taken from sab's blog (lovestrictmesin.livejournal.com)

with all these, i...suhaily salleh, agree on the terms vindicated above
and i will not be the prolonged victim
of
this so called blunder of a friendship
i shall stand my ground
that
being alone is never lonely
than
having friends like you dicks
with
no brain of their own
being with dickheads like the bunch of you guys is hell more lonelier
than just being with sab alone
so screw you all
...
been wanting to buy a lot of important things
but im short of cash
im risking my trust on my laptop
so a 120GB external HD is still top on my 'Things To Buy' list
and then theres this feeling
of
being super old skool
im sick of wanting to buy mp3 and contemplating of what kind of mp3
and
i want
to get a discman
and buy
old skool cds
like
nsync (hahhaha!)
justin timberlake
limp bizkit
no doubt
pink
D12
machi
the used
story of the year
blink 182
sum 41
finch
new found glory
and also
new bands
paramore
and
japanese singles
by
Yamapi
or
Kame
ahh...
many-many
i will be that conservative girl in the train with a big ass headphone drowning my ears with full blast music and being oblivious with anybody around.
just me and my music
...
when can i buy an iphone? really.
who is willing to loan me some money??
hehe
just kidding
...
actually
i dun feel the need of having a bf right now
im fine on my own
more than fine
finer than fine
not good enough?
im immensely contented with my current life
maybe it takes somebody to love their self enough
to be able to live on their own
thats why it is so hard for me to share my life with somebody else
im touchy about my life
because its mine
all mine
theres more
Insyaallah
in 2years,
whatever it takes
whomever i have to leave
whenever it will be
i will leave the country
so
i want to leave in peace
sorry for being so fuckin self-centered
i need to be selfish once in a while ya?

ok go!

trying too hard

2008-09-12T01:37:00.003+08:00

im a lyricist
i like meaningful lyrics
meaningless songs like yours
shouldnt be the most viewed vid in youtube
you still sound awful
your music sucks
your lyrics' stupid
your genre's all wrong
the only good thing about you
is
your husband
haha
...
i have an issue
but
i dont know how to put it
maybe you're still young
maybe im just sick
maybe you think you're good at what you're doing
maybe i think you got a long way to go
huh..
you want to be known
you want to be seen
you want to be praised
you want to show off
all i see is you trying too hard
i want to barf
i want to smirk
i want to snigger
i dont know whether i shud laugh out loud
or shud i?
i dont know.
it doesnt make me run for my money
it does not.
i might be wrong
maybe im right.
i still dont know.
im thinking
its not a competition anymore
im bored
extremely bored
im dying
im dragging myself to places
to the wrong places
please dun call yourself a bunch of designers
with the shit ass job you did for a poster
its embarrassing
its a shame where you actually came from
cause
it is also where i come from
this is controversial
can i do better?
hell yeah.
shud i prove it to you?
hell no.
what will i receive in the end?
im just glad i wasnt part of it.
part of you.
part of all of you.
heh.
...
yesterday
or was it 2 days ago?
hell who cares?
i stood in front of the mirror
and
tried to smile
i cant.
for a mere second i tried to hold that stupid muscle
to stay smiling
it was too much to bear
i released
i tried smiling again
my cheeks trembled
my brows were knitted into a frown
i was concentrating too hard
my face's all screwed up
it's all going to a wrong expression
with the wrong intention
and my face got tired
i gave up.
my face is made fierce.
i will never smile again
or
even try smiling
i dont know why i even bothered.

ciao

2 fuckin' weeks

2008-08-18T02:01:00.003+08:00

for 2 weeks
i've only had a maximum of 3 hours of sleep
for 2 weeks
i have been staying until 11pm in school
go home only to continue what I've left off
for 2 weeks
i've been rushing to finish up assignments
assignments after assignments after assignments
the end of the last day of that 2 weeks
a wave of relief washed over me
school semester is over
ALL assignments are DONE (including CC mind you! heh! oh my classmates are gonna hate me!)
when one took only 5 minutes to reach home from the MRT
it took me 15 minutes to end my destination
for the first time in 2 weeks,
i fulfilled my full 9 hours of sleep
goals + sleep deprivation = formidable results
i am especially proud of myself
...
so
.
.
.
KARMA has hit me through and through huh
WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME
that guys chickened out
turned into an ultimate assholes
AND
not be MAN enough to face me?
fuckin' cowards
...
Yana is a month pregnant
ILA LET'S KIDNAP HER KID IN APRIL SHALL WE?
muahahahaha *evil laughter*
...
ok i've been tagged
i know i said i wont do it
i tink i heard her cry in the toilet
because suhaily doesnt do that stupid tag game
i will do it just for you
but i wont tag no one ya

ok fuck, here goes

1. The person who last tag you is:
Nurilawati Anak Ismail Bin Mas'od

2. Your relationship with him or her:
cousin

3. Your five impression of him or her:
kudut
slenge
smiley
belo
whiny
soft/lembik
eh more than 5 oredi la doink!

4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you:
our 'PROJECT'. when we were small. oh we did alot of things very memorable together when we were kids huh.

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you:
"Suly! You are the best!" I swear she said that.

6. If he/she would become your lover, you will:
make her eat.

7. If he/she would become your lover, the thing he/she has to improve on would be:
weight management.she got eating disorder. thats why she so the kudut.

8. If he/she would become your enemy, you will:
kidnap her kids.

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason would be:
she's too kering and kudut.

10. The most desire thing you want to do for him/her right now is:
do this stupid thing so she will stop crying in the toilet every now and then. irritation sia.

11. Your overall impression of him/her:
likes to laugh.ALOT.

12. How you think people around you would feel about you?
FIERCE.haha.and sometimes belo.oh well most of the time actually.

13. The characters you love of yourself are:
everything.im one hell of a very self-centered person.i love everything about myself.

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate about yourself are:
generosity.i want to be selfish sometimes but im just too kind.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
the GREAT SUHAILY. im proud of who i am so i wont want to be someone im not.

16. For people that cares and likes you, say something to them:
HERE'S A BIG FUCK YOU TO ALL OF YOU.THANK YOU!

my gut just turned right back in

2008-08-10T02:31:00.006+08:00

he finally uploaded his pic on facebook
havent seen him for the longest time

my ex-boyfriend's a model now
one of those times where you stop and think back
"What happened?"
then
AH!
it hit me.
hit me HARD
damn i dumped the guy
without mercy
slaughtered his heart right through and through
smack him right in the face
throw him hard against the wall
squeeze the life out of his sweet sweet heart
and turned his saccharine personality into a cursing fit
vulgarities thrown at me
hatred
disappointment
disgust
immense angst
.
.
.
even so
it catalyzed no reaction in me
no wait
guess wad my first reaction was?
laughter.
i fucking laughed at your absolute abhorrence
what the fuck am i?
i had a stone cold heart man
wad the bloody hell was i made of?
wad a bitch
im a bitch
a fucking heartless bitch
...
i had my regrets
this is the biggest
but i never feared mistakes i made
i could never tell how low i stooped
until i turned back and visited the past
how cruel i had been
...
truth is
laughter is a reflex response to fear
i was a
vicious, treacherous little witch
...
i could feel the utmost disappointment when people starts reading this post
...
with the deepest regrets
i bow my head so low
and
i compunctiously say,
"I deserve all the fucks you gave me while i was that smiling evil little bitch,"
i didnt know
i swear
im truly and deeply sorry
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
oh and btw, johan and i are still keeping in touch
he's too good a person to let go just like that

SOO HAI LEE next PM LEE

2008-07-09T22:56:00.002+08:00

i do wish for a taller boyfriend
coz it will give me a reason
to
buy super high 5-inch heels
heh
i am so in love
with
ALDO HEELS
i want to buy the whole rack of heels
of my choice
i swear
i will invest on ALDO shoes
once
i start working FULL-TIME
like
a
bitch
...
so a taller boyfriend
or
i just stay in NYC
...
i got a surprise call from Australia
no other
than
Muhd. Irshad Jonathan Tan
he told me
i dont relate much
to
real ppl
in my blog
so..here goes

first person

Jon - i fuckin hate your guts
Eddie - come back home!!
A.D. - where art thou gone??
Fifie - hey you..
Hanis - you are crazy shit man i love youu
Sab - ah..my partner-in-crime,my bitch
Dali - always love ya bro
Wan - oh fuck you
Ghair - eh forever ah geng
Fliq - funfunfunfunfunfun
Fida - my bestfriend's girlfren accepted
my abg kerol - yes will forever be my abg kerol heh
Epit, Pekjal & Irzal - cant wait for our outing this Sunday!!
Asshole - ah up till now still an asshole? yeah i will start forgiving you if i could just give you a unanimously big fucking tight slap across your ultimately revolting face if i ever see you.and no im not mad.i just wanna fucking slap you. can i??
can i???
Asshole's friend - stupid little piece of shit. you're no different. i dun wanna touch u. you irks me.urgh.
ila - if you get married first, i will kidnap ur kids
my classmates - you kids better LEAVE ME ALONE. dun disturb me you little brats! heh.

me,sue,suhaily,soo hai lee, suly, lollipop, sulaihy - ah you're just the bestest, the fiercest, the only one, the powerful, the bitch, the always-on-top and the next PM LEE. whahahahaha. i am gonna change the world.

PREPARE FOR WORLD DOMINATION.

PREPARE TO DIE.

*evil laughter*

NEED VS. WANT

2008-05-25T02:02:00.002+08:00

NEED:
-fix Emi-laptop
-120GB external H/D
-red laptop sleevebag (has been in my 'NEED' list for a year now..heh)
-adidas waterbottle (HAHA! Can buy a cheap one but NOOO it must be ADIDAS ya'll!)

WANT:
-dat 2 babydoll dresses from Heeren
-flip-flops from FourSkins (should check them out! they're comfy as hell)
-ADIDAS watch (i've asked DADDY-o to get this for my birthday)
-ADIDAS shoes (i asked my 2nd sis for this for an advance bday present harhar)
-PS3 (been wanting this for a loooooooooong time but im afraid if i haf this evil little thing,i might procastinate in my assignments..huh..)

isnt it cool dat my bday falls on MID-YEAR GREAT SINGAPORE SALE??
heh

BRANDING ASSIGNMENT DONE! WELL DONE!
BRAND JOURNAL 75% DONE!

another week and its the hols

2008-05-20T23:08:00.010+08:00

(click image to enlarge)

GOSH! i miss my bestfren...
...
and meeting my cousin
was
crazy
and here are the pics that i took entirely from her blog

starbucks were everywhere
in search for Coffee Bean has left us crawling
so
starbucks it is

i didnt notice she was taking pics in starbucks
i was oblivion to wad was happening

so writing with my right hand
thats normal...

and then with the left hand??

the I-AM-EVIL-SEE WHATS-GOING-TO HAPPEN-NEXT side stare

i love this pic
it captures the goofy side of me

bwahahaha

dats great sue...

...and the goofy side of HER
whakhakahakha
i love my cousin
.
.
.
oh eh ya...cant wait for our project
its gonna be a blast
and uh...
yeah

oooh lookie
sue just made a Steam Locomotive successfully
IN 3D!
WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT.
I'm so proud of myself.
Pat.Pat.

its been a long time since i uploaded any pics in my entries huh?

still hate the bees and its hive

2008-05-18T16:43:00.019+08:00

screw me for being a bitch
and i dun mean to be difficult
but
every f****ing system has to have this thing
called
TRANSPARENCY
tell me wad my every dollar is worth for
because
i aint rich like you bastards
and because
my every buck i have wif me now
cud be saved
to
feed my own damn stomach
I CANT BELIEVE MY 2BUCKS IS TO FILL THE STOMACHS OF YOU BASTARDS FOR YOUR LAME PARTIES THAT I WILL NEVER GO.
AND FOR THOSE DAMN DECORATIONS THAT DO NOT HAVE ANY MEANING IN MY LIFE.
i haf issues wif this
i hate this
being a powerful dictator is better than
being a kind and nice son-of-bitch as a leader
because behind those kind souls haf every sick intention in the back of their head and they cover their sins with their pathetic sympathetic facade
while at least
a dictator isnt a f***ing hypocrite
suddenly i understand the real side of G.W.Bush
...
i dun haf to be supportive of the crap you guys are into
i just want to get the hell out
FAST.

-im seriously doubting myself to be nice.i dun tink i can take it anymore-

can u believe it?
im bitchin' abt a mere 2bucks
that cud buy me
a plate of chicken rice
or
a plate of plain rice wif vege without any meat in it

dats exactly what i meant

damn the bees

2008-05-15T18:56:00.002+08:00

i got my $2 ripped off for some stoopid studio called Hive.
...

i won

2008-05-06T18:22:00.002+08:00

(oh click image to enlarge)

yeah rite
i wish

rubbish
.
.
.

waiting with the imacs

2008-05-05T18:01:00.002+08:00

now in school lab

watching

Nodame Cantabile series

laughing all by myself

class ended early today

classmates went home

i stayed

wait for my sister

and

i have to admit ar GJY

after a while

Tamaki Hiroshi is actually not bad looking huh

hahaks

the serie is funny shit

anyway

i am blogging with the imac

and

JUST

LOVE

EVERYTHING

ABOUT

IMACS

the monitor

the keyboard

ESPECIALLY THE KEYBOARD

hah

...

i feel like wanting to stay in this mac lab

house of dead

2008-04-29T17:25:00.003+08:00

pardon my procrastination
i deserve a little break
for $9.95
excluding
10% disc
heh
.
.
.
oh i finished the game
now
time for me to work
...
oh and i wanna say something

Alhamdullillah
rezeki aku dapat kerje halal
Insyaallah
semoga aku akan kekal dengan pemberianMu
Amin.

ALLAAHUMMA INNII AS-ALUKA ANTARZUQANII RIZQAN HALAALAN WAASI'AN THAYYIBAN MUBAAROKAN FIIHI MIN GHAIRI NAQSHIN WALAA TA'ABIN WALAA NASHOBIN WALAA MASYAQQATIN WALAA DHAIR, INNAKA 'ALAA KULLI SYAI-IN QADIR. WABIL IJABATI JADIIR. WASOLLALLAAHU 'ALAA SAYYIDINAA MUHAMMADIN WA-'ALA AALIHII WASOHBINHII AJMAIIN.

"Ya Allah! Kurniakanlah kepadaku rezeki yang halal dan banyak, baik dan berkat tanpa susah payah dan tanpa letih. Sesunguhnya Engkau Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu dan mengabulkan setiap pemohonan. Dan semoga solawat dan salam tercurah keharibaan junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad saw, ke atas keluarganya dan seluruh sahabatnya"

Amin.

Top 3

2008-04-28T23:44:00.002+08:00

yes i jz haf to post diz up

3rd- score 1206920 pts

NARCISSIST SUE

wahahahaaaa...

man...
i gotta stop playing games in mac labs

imacs are looooveeee

hah..i got a defective pen for my Wacom tablet
need to change
trou-BLE-sooome

need to sleep yaw

zzzzzzz....

sunday boredom

2008-04-27T16:54:00.006+08:00

found this article in YAHOO!

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080423/tts-health-diet-sex-children-c1b2fc3.html

scientists/researchers are so damn STOOOPID
what happen to X and Y chromosomes dat determines the sex of the baby?
so the BA-WAW-DAHL-WAW-HAGH <-- ask your Muslim frens wad dis means. whakhakha! ... now pretty busy wif my major course module stuffs design a lot of logos but it seemed to be the same the concept i had for my branding is pretty much fixed thanks to my friends who helped me in analysing my personality so i cud justify my name into a brand
i received tremendous replies
from those who replied to my e-mail,
i owe you guys one
it was really funny
how u guys tried not to critique me
and i realise
even though i havent met some of them for years
they said the thought of me
still sends shivers down their spine (they're exaggerating)
so they rather not critique
hahaha...
the feedbacks i got from fifie and the boys were the funniest
i almost fall back on my kitchen chair
for
laughing so hard
now i know which of my frens who actually care
and who real frens really are
part of those
who
are willing to help
no matter what a waste of time
it is
sadly,
those who i expected to help doesnt
so disappointing
sincerity is only skin deep rite?
...
fuck you if u expect me
to be the only one to call you out
u shud b making an effort too
the last time we met,
oh how fake ur smiles can be
and ur lies
how i jz cant wait to get home early
tell me..
why i tend to disappear?
...
fifie said that i am busier than a regular working adult
busier than him
i barely able to meet him and the guys
wait ar...wait until i graduate
khakhakha
one of the weekends the boys made a conference call with me
it was crazy
they check up on me once in a while
so are jon, eddie and A.D.
though the 3Amigos are in 3 different countries
and
very expensive phonecalls,
they tried their best
wich is nice
...
oh
and
i dun post up my designs on the net
sorry.
no.
the thought of some
fraudulent impostor
just simply
depressing the right mouse button
and
then clicking 'Save'
OR
holding on to dat
those
bloody Fn+PrtSc keys
(fuck print screen how come these functions exist sia)
to override mouse clicks
and
plagiarists my works
just sucks...
yeah im VERY paranoid
and
DAMN protective over my originals
soooo
until i strike it rich
and
able to pay
for
licensed trademarks over my stuffs
and
patent my products
you will see my works in my website
soon
but not now
now...
I AM A STARVING DESIGN STUDENT

and OH i try to
reduce my vulgarities in my next entries onwards
i just received friend requests from my little cousins
and
it made me realise how young net surfers are nowsadays ya?

ok go

lucky to be you sucks to be me

2008-04-04T16:48:00.002+08:00

i like giving people second chances

but

some people

just dont deserve that 2nd chance i gave

blame me for being such an ass

no tongue just lips

2008-03-20T17:16:00.001+08:00

if i wasnt sick

i would haf kissed you all over

just you wait

until im well......

memoir remnants

2008-03-17T00:05:00.001+08:00

i was looking for my earrings
that
i packed away when i moved out
and
i found this ring that i used to wear around my neck
yes,
i didnt dump it away
it wasn't mine to throw anyway
so i kept it somewhere safe
wondering about how
i am to return the ring back
up until last night when i found it
i couldnt figure out how i could find a way to return him
now i know how
i didnt know how i could be so stupid
it took more than a year to figure this out
what the hell
maybe for the past year i have been so self-centered
undoubtedly,i still keep the ring
a part of me still care
a whole other part of me was...WELL...really a hell load of anger
heh
anyway, that ring has GOT TO GO
a really goodfren of mine
will help me with the rest
but he doesnt knoe dat yet
heheheehehe

so there
...
ah shucks
Saiful's 7th year death anniversary is coming up
feels like just yesterday it was his 6th
why so fast?

you've been good to me
thats why its so hard to let go

blue moon's up

2008-03-12T13:27:00.002+08:00

this is one of those revolution years
where
i decided to switch on my EmiLap
and blog
...
the past few months have been fun and HELL
...
am i a girl who scares the shit out of you
even if i didnt say anything at all?
do something wrong to me the nite before
and
wimped out the day after
WHAT THE FUCK?
-chickens-
aint MAN enough to even face me
why scared of this girl's spiteful dirty little mouth?
YOU'RE JUST SO FUCKING DIRTY I JUST WANT TO SPIT AT YOUR FACE!
FUCK!
so angry sey...wad the hell...
you're all the same la
just like asshole
and
i
am
an
idiot
heh.
...
been busy with lots of other stuffs
havent been doing much practising lately
kind of fell back behind
and
im guilty as hell
...
2 more years
1 year to work
get scholarship the year after
3 years overseas studies
and i'll be 27 by then
...
i have a sketchbook that havent been touched for months

Introducing....

2008-01-02T16:46:00.000+08:00

ah yes

it's all about the Crowbar Awards

School of Design students of the whole of Singapore

competing for a title

i shall think Crowbar 24/7 now

Kindly

PLEASE

NOT

DISTURB

Thank You

spread some luuuuuurrrrvveee

2008-01-01T04:53:00.000+08:00

I'M IN LOOOOVE

HIS

NAME

OGURI SHUN!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH
FOOLS!
...
i recently stumbled upon this Japanese series "Hana Yori Dango" and find this guy awfully attractive. I realised that he also starred in the movie "Ghost Train" and found out that he also played in this extremely hilarious Japanese series "Hanazakari no Kimitachi E". The latter series is fuckin funny like klakar giler babi sampai babi pon tk giler cam tuh!
...
one of my closest cuz just got married on Sunday 30th Dec 2007
she has finally crossed the phase every women will be yearning for when comes an age
for me, heh, give me 10years
hahahaha
will upload pics wen im not lazy

OGURI SHUN WHOOOOOOOOOOO!

movin' in, movin' on, movin' out

2007-12-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

i tink im goin crazy over babies
i mean
look at that little cutie
she is so freakin cute i just wanna pinch and kiss her cheek
and squeeze her
anyway
we're finally moving out
that shithole
a house that every asshole i knoe knows where i live
time for me to disappear
you knoe..
i tot it was just yesterday i was wishing about some revolution for year 2007
and
now..
i am not gonna have some new year revolution
coz every year i wish to start afresh and i did
but everytime i did, i ruin it
so yeah
SUCKS TO BE ME
...
i got fucked alot of times because of not wearing a tie everytime i come
and i tink he's gonna lose it
it was funny when he's always losing it
so im just gonna kept getting fucked for the next couple of days
until sab comes by and save my ass
heh..
...
Fifie said something to me last nite which get me pretty fired up
he's like a bestfriend i ever had
dun b STUPID
for now,
I HATE HIM.
...
im tinkin 25th Dec last year
im tinkin where i was
and i remembered
i was with Sab
i was happy
we both were
and i miss that
so...
Tuesday
Sab and me went to that place again on Christmas Day
that same place
that same seat
those same drinks
i bet nobody where it was
and i knoe nobody can guess where it was
and let's just keep it that way
...

IM IN TROUBLE

im in BIG trouble

im busy

2007-12-02T02:21:00.000+08:00

i have been busy with school and work
few things i need to keep myself reminded

Assignments

~~DT Storyboarding & other shit stuffs~~
DS Finalised Lamp design
~~VDS 2 Best Shots~~
VDS Typography ~~Typeface~~ & Poster
IDS & HCD Flash
FA Powerpoint Presentation

i love to sleep
but right now, i need to not be able to sleep
so i can go on and on and on and on
and never stop
until im done
...
my emi-laptop is causing me a lot of problem
10 minutes start-up (i can cook maggi and make hot tea while waiting for it to startup)
and deleted folders keep fucking appearing in my desktop
MORON!
i need a freaking external Hard-D
and save everything while Emi is still sane
...
im sorry i wont be able to go hangout or whatever wif u guys
its not that i forget u
but
Im super busy wif assignments and WORK
and
i need to save money for printing and materials
and i lost my wallet last week somewhere in the MRT (some kind soul found it)
Alhamdullillah
my rezeki
May Allah bless his kindness
and now im struggling with adult fares (BOO!)
i haf to go collect my wallet at Bedok Police HQ

BEDOK SIAL

soooooooo far

shits...

its a hoax

2007-11-25T19:44:00.000+08:00

i stopped believing in chain emails a long time ago
it used to be some corny love curse
then it turns to be haunted chain mails
now people are sending emails on some non-existent virus breakthrough
yeah
i tink it was fun to make people sit on the edge of the seat
but
it was pretty lame
i recently received an email about Olympic Torch virus
some of you shud haf gotten that info in your emails too
and i know that most of you must haf believed in it
you shudnt
come back to the harsh reality
"Dun take sweets from strangers"
...
the description below is the email that you mite get in your mailbox

Name: Olympic torch
Type :Virus hoax

Description:
This hoax has been distributed across the internet. The report is untrue, and the email can be safely deleted.

The text of the hoax reads as follows:
Please read the attached warning issued today.PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS:You should be alert during the next days:Do not open any message with an attached filed called "Invitation" regardless of who sent it .It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch which "burns" the whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.If you receive a mail called "invitation", though sent by a friend, do not open it and shut down your computer immediately.This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever.This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus.This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW, COPY THIS E-MAIL AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS AND REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US.

Important
Many virus hoaxes:
falsely claim to describe an extremely dangerous virus
use pseudo-technical language to make impressive-sounding (but impossible) claims
falsely claim that the report was issued or confirmed by a well-known company
ask you to forward it to all your friends and colleagues
As usual, you are urged not to pass on warnings of this kind, as the continued re-forwarding of these hoaxes simply wastes time and email bandwidth.
It is possible that you may receive a hoax via email with a file attached. Obviously, such file attachments should be treated with caution as they may be virus infected. Sophos recommends deleting virus hoax emails, whether they contain file attachments or not.
Sophos suggests a policy to help prevent hoaxes from spreading in your company.

-taken from http://www.sophos.com/security/hoaxes/olympic.html -
...
i googled Olympic torch virus
and it turned out to be hoax
just a hunch
that mayb people want to make a fool out of alot of people
they aint fooling me
so if you are the type to say "Oh! Im not sure whether it is genuine or not but im not taking any chances...I'll just forward to people JUST IN CASE."
just in case you want to help your friends,
maybe you should do a little bit of research
JUST IN CASE you mite look like a fool if the things u are forwarding is untrue
HA!
btw,im not saying shit...i reali appreciate it that u wanna help ur friends
really
...
anyhow,
people nowadays arent stupid enough to open an attached file
from emails without security
shits

digital imaging

2007-11-14T20:17:00.000+08:00

everyone told me i am lucky
to haf a bestfren
who wud help me model
for my photo journal assignment
and
i knoe from the very start
how lucky i am
to haf her as my bestfren
thanks sab!
...
i was editing Sab's pictures
and
i realise how DI artists
haf to keep mum
about
the amount of touchups
they haf to do on famous models
and...
tralalalala
only they know the flaws of these models
...
Abang kerol practically forced me to go MOS
that ulat bulu always go missing looking for girls,
and we didnt get to take pictures together
next time la ye abang kerol eh?
so here we are...

i started my night having dinner wif him at Al-Azhar

and when i arrive, thats when we get the party started

the guy in white, no idea who he is
blardie pantat just free parking onli

sab and felix<--- he cracks me up all nite

sharing drinks wif my two bestfriends

and urgh no offence, boy

but

u look ridiculous

lemme make your face cleaner

bahahahahaha!
your AFTER pic
there your skin's flawless!
WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

i love her la!

and i love him too...

forever making fun of people

and forever will be together
...

i have lots of things to do during school week
so...
i might not have any free time for u
please understand
...
and oh BY THE WAY,
why are you people keeping tabs about Yan for me?
i didnt ask for it
and i didnt even care
no.wait.
I DONT GIVE A FUCK.
so keep your little news to yourself
and i keep my little history deep in my diary alright?!
...

~shall the daughter grow up not knowing such an asshole her father is~
and yes,my little baby Haillie
your father is an asshole too
and here
Bibik might sound like a fucking bitch
and make 3 stupid Dads angry
but
who cares, right?
I love Little Haillie so much

hurhur...
something just slipped out of someone's big mouth...
....
she has a stupid name
wad a stupid-stupid name

chilli padi

2007-11-10T20:20:00.000+08:00

i must have been very depressed to be eating too much chilli padi in one day
for 3 days straight
and
now im suffering from very regular bowel movements
muahahahaha
...
i shall stop the start-up pictures
coz i just found out that i could be sued for infringement of copyrighted materials
even if i CREDIT the person
so
im sorry.
...
i wanted to put up GJY s/o EGKM & TSL's pictures
just to make him angry
but i guess im lazy
...
im glad he's ok
he finally messaged me with ease
saying he wants to meet me
im impressed with my ignorance
BAHAHAHAH
works everytime

THE hair

2007-10-29T21:35:00.000+08:00

the pic on the left is me with long hair
a year ago
the pic on the right is me with my long mane chopped off
now
i started to feel
about how much i miss my long,long hair
i tink
i look much better
LONG hair
...
i know
i tell everyone (includ. myself)
that
hair can always grow back
huh
and
i know wad i said
BAAAAH
SAB YOU DARE CUT YOU HAIR I KILL YOU!
and any girls
who looks good
wif long hair
waaaaaaahhhh!!!
...
im going to start on my assignments now den
and wont be bothered about my hair
tsk!tsk!

UPSET

2007-10-22T23:47:00.000+08:00

today wa very the upset

why?

becoz the belt for my white heels

MY FAVOURITE WHITE HEELS

have gone missing

and i cant wear those heels

without the belt

i am truly upset

and

mad

because i haf to be creative

and

make myself a belt for the heels

SHIT

when? i dunno...

no time eh

upset sia

WAAAAAAAHHH

...

i nearly made an 18 year old boy cry

im so powerful

...

hell...

for the past week i made a shocking discovery

1) Marion Jones whom i thought is a powerful runner, turns out she's on steroids

2) Albus Dumbledore is GAY (which is in fact have nothing to do with the reality and me)

3) Lance N'Sync is GAY (another news that doesnt have anything to do with me...THANK GOD ITS NOT JUSTIN T!)

4) Sleep deprivation makes us overreact which is probably the reason why I always scream at people...uh...no wait all my classmates are sleep deprived design students

SO I OVERREACT huh? i learn something new about me everyday..

5) the belt for my white heels is MISSING/GONE/OMITTED/REMOVED/VANISHED/LOST/PERISHED

...

i need a new big-ass pencil box for my markers

and my pens

and pencils

and rulers

and erasers

and paintbrushes

and sharpener

and stapler

and staplets

and penknife

and correction pen

...

im eyeing for that big- ass book of illustrations that i saw at Basheer which costs around $94 and that black book Ken got that costs about $30-$40 and that Banksy book Shoonie boy bought for $35 the one with 10% more crap

and

i want to buy the whole shelf of design mags at Basheer

so the hantu man that place

CONTROL

save money for assignment materials, suuu....

...

i found a lot of really cool markers at the bookshop at Fajar la

sheesh

i just love love love chisel point markers

especially the huge-ass markers

i resisted myself from buying too many red ones

HEH

i have a hell lot of collection of different kinds of markers

i bought 0.4 fine tip coloured markers set in May

then my sister bought me another set of 0.5 round tip coloured markers set in around August

hah..i have 0.1,0.2,0.3 black felt tip markers

when i was buying the chisel end markers just now, i saw this liquidified markers which are pretty cool and i do not have the chance to buy one

maybe next time

i get my hands on them

coz

i bought this humongous fat black marker that digs up $5.50 from my pocket

i will buy red next week

green in another week

and blue in the week after the another week

heh...

im ready for typography

...

today's entry is long and boring

i shall stop here

AHHH

im buying myself new pair of white heels

SHR...i shall just post up pics

2007-10-18T13:45:00.000+08:00

random pic hahahahaha

Paramore Love

2007-09-26T20:35:00.000+08:00

my next hairstyle is going to be like hers...
nothing special
but
i might wanna colour craze my hair red like hers
HAHA
or just highlight my hair auburn red
colours aside
that will be done next month
first things first
CUT HAIR
CUT HAIR
...
some people just menjelma ajer kat tagboard
ape angin ntah
...
my bro introduced me this vid
which is how i get my inspiration to cut and colour my hair red in future
i just love to see her hair la in this vid hahaks
its all about

Hayley Williams

oh wells...
i've researched and i found the type of colour im going to buy
off the shelves

alot of people told me to get Loreal
however, Garnier is as good as Loreal
but
i'll see how it goes
...
miss sabby alot
and
sab
sorry eh
aku ader malas skit nk tulis tu bende ko tag aku kat ko pey livejournal
hehe

tapi......................................

haiya me feel bad la
im just gonna do it now
and procastinate my assignments
so here goes

1. The person who tagged you is: Miss Siti Sabariah Binte Norman (wa mau kalah fadzullah hahaks!)

2. Your relationship with her: Married couple

3. 5 Impressions you have of her: Impression eh?

slenge bacin

crazy

patient

intellectually smart (I LIOKE!)

helpful

lovable

oh more than 5 oredi ar?

4. Most memorable thing she has done for you: ha..everything she has done for me is memorable

5. Most memorable words she said to you: I Love You

7. If she becomes your lover, things she has to improved on will be: none la

8. If she becomes your enemy, you will: buat bodoh sua la...

9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be: A DIVORCE

10. The most desirable thing you want to do for her now is: her bday coming la..shut up oredi

11. Your overall impression of her is: Crazy.

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you: afraid of me. (sigh)

13. The characteristic you love about yourself is: Able to stand up for myself.

14. The characteristic you hate about yourself is: I love myself babe.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is: Myself. (hah! the novelty of self-centeredness!)

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them: Don't Step Over My Head You Idiots. (whaaat...?? you expect me to say something nice and touching?? two werds: Boleh Blah)

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.

1. I want to say Sab coz she's the 1st person that comes to my mind but she already did this quiz so..nvm la..i just write SAB..(no need to do this quiz again la sab)

2. Kong Jiahui

3. Haracas

4. GOH JIN YANG

5. LWY Wilson

6. Fifie

7. Dani

8. Eddie

9. Jon

10. A.D.

and i kill anyone of the above who tag me again

Who is no 6 having relationship with: No one at the moment. Too busy werkin his ass off for God-knows-what

Is no.9 male/female: blardie...he's an irritating hyperactive talking small built male-whore

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing: OH NOOOOOOO!!!

When you last chat with no 3.: just this morning he ask me what im doing

What kind of music that no 8 likes: stupid music i never heard of.maybe nobody heard of his kind of favour in music becoz he's just stupid.and an idiot.

Does no.1 have any siblings: yes, one younger sis

Will you woo no 3: MY GOSH! Little Chinese Boy? Hell no.

How bout no 7: Heh.He's mine.

Is no 4 single: Yes hardworking boy must concentrate on his studies.

What's the surname of no 5: Malaysian boy

What's the hobby of no 4: I don't know...playing computer games i guess...

Do no 5 and 9 get along: oh they will..if they meet..those two have very colourful personalities

Where is no 2 studying at: same school as me

Say something casual about no 1: "Eh wa mau rompak bank. Lu mau ikot tak?"

Have you tried developing feelings for no 8: Tried:Yes.Reason:coz this idiot confess to me after he migrated to Canada.Feelings developed:No.Reason:Too late.

Where does no 9 lives: Melbourne, Australia.

What color does no 4 like: I thought he loves green coz he always use the colour green during Interactive Design Studio but he said no,he doesnt like green. This guy ar i think he cannot make up his mind wad colour he like la..look at his ever-changing wallpaper..he's crazy

Are no 5 and 1 best friends: nonononononononono...they cant be..sab has no patience for his type of person..hhahahha!

Does no 7 like 2: i will so kill no.7 if he develop any inappropriate feelings for no.2

How did you get to know no 2: my dear dear classmate

Does no 1 have any pets: hah! she wish!

Is no 7 the sexiest person in the world: of course!

huh? finish oredi? never ask anything about no.10 eh! sedih sey A.D. hahahah

reminisce

2007-09-21T06:31:00.000+08:00

i miss your smile...

MAK AKU SUKA TAUFIK BATISAH SEBAGAI MENANTU...WHAKAHAHAKAHAKHAHA...

2007-09-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

i only like smart guys

fuck.you.

D.P.H.

2007-09-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

im eating more but im losing weight

i was chubby, now my face is getting more chengkong (or however u spelt it)

i am getting tanner,very dark..urgh...of all the swimming days

SWIM

like crazy

huh...

i dunno why im so stressed

i went M.I.A on the dental assistant job

and

land myself in F&B line again (heh!cant help it! i hate labs!)

i get unknown calls and SMS-es who all of them knew my name

and

i refuse to pick up any of those calls whose numbers are unfamiliar to me

i dun wan to deal wif anyone right now

and

i tink im mentally slow

coz i seem to reply my friends' messages 24hours late

or even never reply at all

i dunno why

ah...shits...i tink im going crazy

so just watch me

watch me go mental and have my hair dyed red

oh yes

Daniel is my man

and

i just love him

thats all

i turn my back to alot of things

2007-08-27T01:16:00.000+08:00

yeap i turn my back to alot of things lately

...

when i was about 14yrs old when Saiful died, i swore to myself something seemingly tragic and i still keep that little 'something'

no one except me and Allah knows what i swore myself to

...

when my family starts falling to pieces

i told to myself that i will study real hard, get a good job, pull my parents out of misery and let them live in luxury..

the driving passion is still in me now

i swore to myself that i will never dissappoint them in any way
and i hate myself if that ever happens

...

3 years ago, i stopped believing in promises

until now...

i snapped at anyone who tries to promise me anything

and I NEVER..yes NEVER promise anyone

...

all my life,

i only trust one person

that one person passed a year ago

from then on, i never trusted anyone

im never ever going to believe in anyone anymore

i dont know who to trust either

so to hell with that

and

i think

i dont want to get married

i did my goal map

i dont even haf time for marriage

who the fuck cares about marriage anyways

i just want to travel around the world

fuck school

knowledge beyond the boundaries of school compounds and textbooks or even being stuck in your own country, are far more powerful than just some qualification papers

FUCK DIPLOMAS

FUCK DEGREES

FUCK PHDS

and

FUCK MATRIMONIES

i want to travel
and die travelling
...
ah shucks!
the first week of my hols i've been busy doing my assignments
the 2nd week i've been out of the country
now is the 3rd week...i shouldnt be sitting on my ass all week
i need to do some shit ass-kicking design!!
time to work!
time to work!
BAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

BURN

2007-08-25T11:03:00.000+08:00

i found this video from youtube
well the guy looks like a total jackass
but
he can sing..hah..he has a nice voice tho
heh!
im back from bintan
and
it was great fun
there are a few people i've been thinkin about who i dont want to think about while i was there
but my sisters keep my mind off things
so its cool
and this vid...put a smile on my face
...
dental assistant=hard work
i swear i stop doing labworks
because of the high demand in sterility shit
why do i take dental instead of the normal clinic???
GAAAHH...
im in trouble
...
i went for a swim with my eldest sis yesterday
today,im going for another swim
i have terrible shoulder aches that never go away
i need somebody to massage my shoulders
and
im becoming tanner
from the beach swims in Bintan
and the swim yesterday
and im going swimming today
i should go dark like *ahem* soon
...
where is Fifie??!
im missing that belo guy oredi
asyik keeeeeejjjjeeeee ajeR
pegi kahwin suda la mamat!

haha..

whoever he's married to,
must be a really lucky gal
and
when that happens
im going to be reeeeallly jealous
hehe!

you're history

2007-08-11T22:18:00.000+08:00

this time its for real
the last appointment is in October
wohoooo!!
cant wait to be freeeeeeee again
i haf my very own personal happy therapy
and that is no other den Ms. SITI SABARIAH BINTE NORMAN
whahahahahahaha
eh amacam fadzullah u gay fuck
aku pon letak full name sab
lu mau gadoh tak
whakakkakaka
meeting her is like so the gerek la shit
amacams sabby? mau meet lagik tak????
next week!!
we dont haf to watch rush hour 3 to dose ourselves with laughter
hehe
...
oh btw, you are history
though u are really mean
i thank you for being such an asshole
i haf nvr trusted anyone in my life
and thanks for confirming my instinct
i could never be more wrong
coz I AM SO DARN RIGHT
ha!
this song is so for you

and yes, i will always love you
asshole

Kenangan Terindah
Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku
Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun
Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu Darimu...
Kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku... Kau lah cinta sejati
Ooh...
Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah
Ooh...

<3 <3

2007-08-02T02:47:00.000+08:00

i had a lunch date with him
and
a cuddle treat with his super life size teddy bear

sigh...
im so in love with him...
hmmm...
hehehhehe
wakhakhakhakhaaaa..

oops..
sorry!

haiz.....................................~!@#$$T&^%*(&)

i hate...

2007-07-29T16:12:00.000+08:00

i never did really like ART
actually hated it
i doodled
i dun DRAW
after sec 2, i swore myself to get my ass in Science class
so that i could get the hell out of Art class
and when i dun want things,
i always do anything in my power to get out of things
i studied like shit
to get to the best class
it doesnt matter how i will suffer later in a science class
just as long as i DUN TAKE ART
i succeeded
6 years of utter bliss
no ART
i feel sorry for my friends who took Art
they have to drag their studies becoz of Art
Art sucks
Art hold you down
and
i still feel sorry for my brother
who took Art
wakakkaaka...
but
little did i know
that 6 years later,
when i indulge myself in all or nothing but DESIGNS
i got myself into a specialised design course
and
i
am
so
UPSET :(
that theres a DRAWING STUDIO as one of the module
EXERCISE THE EYE FOR DETAIL
the lecturer would say
wad shit...
and so i learnt from scratch
how to draw
and sketch
and shade
people know how little my patience is
i keep MIA-ing during drawing studio
coz i JUST CANT DRAW ART
ART is expressive
IM NOT EXPRESSIVE
several times i asked Sabby for help
and those several times she told me that Art is all about PATIENCE
Arrrghh!!
time and time again
she said PATIENCE is everything in shading shit
and
after many classes
with gritted teeth
clenched fist
a longing feeling of stomping out of the studio,
I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO DRAW NUDES!
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!!
is
this
design??
but ya know what...
i haf to go thru this for another 1 and half year more
so i go with it
i have gone thru Art for 2 years
i can go thru this temporarily
and i find drawing boobs and lots of tight asses...
funny
waKhahaKAHAHAHAH
and soo
here are my masterpieces
will definitely be in my portfolio...
first
the mannequins as practice

it isnt finish but thats as much time as the lecturer gave us..

this one is 10 min sketch..the mannequin's boob was too small and the ass too non-existent so i gave her perkier boob and fuller ass...wahahahahaha...wad do you expect? i was freaking bored...4hours of shit ass drawing class...

and oh ya..some racist chinese boy signed my drawing "By Malay gurl"

blardie!

so heres the real life pics
and i find myself finding it hard to draw boobs

heheheh...

contrary to that, i find drawing men's body alot easier than women

drawing and shading rippling muscles alot more challenging than women's breasts

hah!

this is my favourite so far..
SPORTY MEN...I LOIKE!

im pretty good huh?

khekhekhekhekhe!

and here is an oil-pastel piece by me and Vincent, Impressionism style inspired by Vincent Van Gogh..This piece is done by the two of us in 20 mins and it looked like its done by one person...that shows that we're such a good team! wohoo!

it looked kinda messy..but its actually a good piece of ART

wakhakhaakhahaka..

i dunno

my lecturer is JUST LIKE MS.CHUA

even it is not nice to our eyes

its beautiful to hers

yeah..whatever..

BLABLABLA

oh ya...

i had enough of naked men and ladies

when

going

end...??

I STILL HATE ART YA KNOW..

hah!

2007-07-23T22:06:00.001+08:00

ok..

i was REEEEAAALLLYYY bored

i got ready early

and

Fifie was late

his friend's tak gune nak mampos punye BMW

had to be sent for servicing to fix the bloody break pedal

and i haf to wait

for

four shit hours

heh

so...

i took pictures of myself

kwangkwangkwangkwang!

i tell you

I WAS FUCKING BORED

hahahah

when Fifie came to fetch me,

i showed him the pictures

he said i got nothing better to do

hehehe!

i pester him to get himself and his mom

a new car la

asyik pinjam-pinjam kawan aje

in the end break pedal cock-up kene repair

let people freeload dier for free

bodoh macam biskut..

but we did go for car shopping that day

den went Bugis to get himself some t-shirts

and proceeded to Topman to buy some smart pants

i tink shopping grew out of me

dunno why i dun lust for new clothes anymore la

just being there for Fifie la

he ask me to go shopping wif him

after all,

he's the one who has always been there for me

man..the various trips to the doctor

he's the one who has been sending me back and forth

and being so patient wif me

when i cry like somebody died

when i being such a bitch

when i scream at his face

for nothing

urm...alot of times

heh..i still feel guilty for that

i owe him alot

all i can offer him now

is to be there for him

wah mamat SIA-Engineer dah naik pangkat seeeey

cepat seeeey

woohooo!

kahkahkahkahakhahakah!

...

me, sab and Kakis

so need a holiday

man...another girl's heart is broken

my sister is a great woman

why her 3year boyfriend

just abandon her like dat

haiz..

another coward asshole

fucking SHITHEAD

...

just met Sab on Sunday

but i still miss her

the one person

one reason

for me to keep going on

oh yeah

nobody mess wif her

whoever..

have to go thru me first

...

my assignment...

i rock

my 1st design is a 3D model-thats my baby (took me a week to create this)

my 2nd design is a stencil (took me 4 days)

my 3rd design is a DJ ala Picasso style (took me a few hours of developments hehe)

4 weeks of rendering, rejections, development and research

and

still

got

B+

how unfair :(

but

i still rock

-sue rocks!-

disappointment

2007-07-21T05:20:00.000+08:00

why?
why do you have to let him stab you in the back?

i might be the one that have gone totally mental

i might be the one that have all those crazy panic attacks

i might be the one taking all those pills

i might be the one who have to in and out of the doctor's office

but i am one thing for sure that i am just so DETERMINE to get

TO GET OVER THAT SONOFABITCH

im progressing

im recovering

im taking one small step at a time

and

im getting there

you want to know why?

because I freaking WANT TO LET GO

its not what you HAVE to do

its a matter whether you WANT to or not

its your choice

if u really want to get on with your life

without that asshole,

i suggest you think what you have been doing

if you're telling me that you've tried

i dun see how hard

because damn hell you're not trying hard enough

you keep falling back

everytime you realise that he's not worth your love

you move on a little and when u start missing him,

you fall back to square one

i ask you, Hid..what is it that you want?

you keep U-turning

when are you advancing?

you let him win

i dun get it..why are you giving him more space to destroy you?

i know it's hard, Hid

no one says its going to be easy either

and you're making it harder for yourself

but for you to just give up, just....

i dont know...its pretty frustrating

i was so hoping that you know wad life means to you

im still am hoping

that you would open your eyes

and

look around you

you never knew how wide the world is

your world is narrow now Hid

now your world is all about that asshole

maybe you've seen how wide the world is

you just push reality away

hoping that the matrep will change

he's not going to change

you will have to

you have expected people who loves you to scream at you

and also be disappointed in you

and u let us be disappointed in you?

why?

why do you let people who genuinely loves you get disappointed?

why do you let people who genuinely loves you get their heart's broken?

why do you let that matrep, the person who destroys you, a chance?

why not give yourself a chance?

why not give us, people who care for you, some more space to love you even more?

why?

dont tell me you CANT do it

you can

its just that...you dont allow yourself to be able to do it

im going to be terribly sorry if you tell me, "Oh Suly...I've tried but I cant help it!"

oh for fuck's sake, Hid..nobody can help it

sheer determination has to be your bestfren now

ur family and frens..even me..this is as far as we can help you

to be there for you, to help you see, to advice you

thats all

and beyond that, its all you

...

dun let him win, Hid

im begging you

please dun let him win

i'll be at the sidelines..

cheering you on

with the same faith as everybody else

Faith in you

remember mr.hottie??

2007-07-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

yes
im the one who first called him abang khayrol when we were 14
and everybody starts calling him dat too..
6 years later,and the name still sticks (wich is now)
everybody still calls him dat!
i remember the very first time he talks
"ITS MORPHINE TIME!"
wakhakhahakha!
it still makes me laugh like hell
and yes, the gang still talk about it
hehehe LMAO!!!
i remember in school,
when we push each other to be the best
and in the end..
HE always comes out better than me
by
a
few
marks
WTH..
(i so can beat you in MATHS laaalalalalla)
i know..he's a smart smart guy
one guy with the looks AND the brain
and
i kinda miss him...
he looked me up thru friendster just recently
i guess he miss me too WAHAHAHAHA
yes he does
he does
stupid abang khayrol
gone missing for bitches years
den come back to haunt me
...
YOU ARE MY ABANG KHAYROL
AND
MY MR.HOTTIE
syazwan has started to call u mr.hottie now wich is kinda weird
wei SAB lets tarik abang khayrol pegi dancefloor
wakhakhakahakha!!
...
haiz..
i wish i stay happy forever..
hmmm...
...
exactly 6 years ago today,
Saiful passed away
though he was my first love dramatically cut by his death
i still haf a part of him in my heart
im still so in love wif u
but ur dead
heh..
:)
i know you're happy up there
and that you have been looking over for me
love you always
oh wells...you are my only one

"Only One"
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

shattered tears

2007-07-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

i tried my darnest to erase u from myself
my hardest
my all
and i realise there's a part in me who doesnt want to let go
i did my very best to release that tension
its like forcing open a clenched fist with a wrencher
its hard
its fucking hard
its her fault
she made me sit back, close my eyes and relax
she told me to imagine his face
den
she told me to imagine his face smiling
tears starts welling up but i held it back
she told me to imagine his face smiling and holding a baby
dats wen tears started to roll down my cheeks...hot tears
she saw but she continued
she told me to imagine his face smiling, holding a baby and a woman standing beside him
i couldnt take it
i just couldnt take it
im still very much in pain...and it hurts
my supposed last appointment
has changed
i still haf to go back there again
i wanted to be okay
i dun wan to be like this
but why when applying formulas to theory i just failed miserably?
i try to be strong for Hid, deep inside, im crumbling
when i hear how dat stoopid Ariffin just abandon Sab,
i remembered how Yan abandon me
exactly like that
when i read dat she cries at night
i turn in bed at night and cried for her too
why do we haf to face such treatment
its cruel
everytime i face sab,
i knew deeply how she feels inside
and my heart just bleeds
...
why?
why cant u just fucking face me and tell me the whole fucking truth
why Ariffin, why cant u face Sab and tell her wads wrong?
for u to just fuck it
why dont u just fuck it about telling straight to MY FACE
...
Fifie told me he miss the old Sue
i miss my old self too
i have to
bring myself back
...
im going to dread the next few appointments
why do i haf to go thru shit
for an asshole
i hate my life...

OH GEEZ!

2007-07-10T22:51:00.000+08:00

the countless sleepless nights

overloaded assignments

over-extensive workloads

never-ending demand for designs

and

the endless appointments

degrades my appearance a hell lot

the humongous eyebags under my eyes

are so conspicous

hell

LOOK

HORRIBLE

remember, remember, the 5th of september

2007-07-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

YES!

FINALLY!

FREAKING

GOT

NEW

HANDPHONE

WAKAKAKAKA!

the Xpress music phone Nokia 5300

though its kind of out-dated

tapi takpela

the long-awaited phone

hmm...

lalalalala

a present from my sister

for

a damn belated bday

and also

a gift for my recovery

...

i will be going for an appointment

this coming tuesday

hopefully

it'll be the last one

tired sia..

its shits to be depressed la

why

do i haf to go thru heartaches and pain??

so unfair :(

...

however,

my weekends are pretty packed

will be meeting a bestfren from primary school tomorrow

how exciting!

i cant wait to meet her though..!!

oh dat will be in the afternoon

after that,

haf to meet the gang for dinner

DEAREST DALI BDAY

wahlau..dun bring ur gf la bro

takle giler2 saks

bodoh

den...

sunday got class BABI-Q

kind of lazy to go

but haf to go

coz of the $6.50 spenditure

WEAK!

and oh ya

ASSIGNMENTS

how pack can my head be??

...

im kind of glad

that

im in this crazy-work-overload-course

which keep me super duper busy

and

also

im really happy

that i haf such great frens who help me

to bypass my misery

by keeping my weekends packed

so that

most of the time

i wont be thinking about u

as i always do

it takes time for me to make u a NON-EXISTENCE

i really hope

that I will never see your damn face again

i shall receive NO HEARTACHES this year

please

...

oh ya sab

i will always be here,there,everywhere,anywhere

whenever u need me

no matter how depressed

how crazy i am

meeting u

just blows my troubles away

...

my doktor giler asked me if i miss him

i said, "Always."

den she asked me if i keep thinking about him

i said, "I try not to but I do.All the time."

she asked me how have i been doing so far

i told her i haf successfully kept myself busy,happy and keep my head off him 80% of the time..and i told her thinking about him before i go to sleep is inevitable..it is a quiet time where my mind is clear and he just pops up..

she told me to engage myself in a book before i go to sleep

gradually

i will not think about him anymore

and stop missing him

and

KIND-OF

WORK

...

when Saiful died,

i was terribly emotionally unstable

until now,

i have never visited his grave

not going there, keeps me going now

it keeps me going, if Yan just never reappear at my face

so please eh

keep ur distance

...

my ex-neighbour, Fifie,has been a dear

he was with me right from the start i fell 6 feet under

he sent me to doktor giler for EVERY SINGLE appointments

i feel kinda guilty

what will other people think of him,

sitting outside waiting for some maniac girl

to finish her appointment every week?

but he refused to listen to me

so..

yah..

hate to menyusahkan orang la

haiyaaak!!!

but the really good thing about him is..

HE NEVER SPOKE A SINGLE COMMENT ABOUT YAN

bcoz from the start

he respected Yan

A hell lot.

i dunno why..

however

he's not siding anybody

thats great abt him

...

i went for a visit to Fifie's house

to meet his mother

and

she cried when she sees me

i was surprised at that reaction

she loves me like her own daughter

i felt bad

i made alot of people cry

becoz of my fall

i hate tears

its so upsetting

THE NEXT PERSON WHO BAWLS AT MY FACE, WILL GET A REAL GOOD BITCH-SLAP/SMACK ACROSS HIS/HER FACE FROM ME

wakakakaaka

and

im not kidding

...

its funny

that my mom told me

dat if a guy wants to get to know me,

remember to ask for his age

wahahahaha

MY MOM IS SOOOO CUTE LA!

khekhehekhehkehe!

...

i miss my belo-ness

MUST RECOVER FAST!

LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!

2007-06-26T11:35:00.000+08:00

i just have to blog this
i got this from an AM member
hahahahahaha
kahkahakahakahakaha
wakakakakakakakak
it just made my day la

Itu arr aku nak citer sket nie, tuesday pagi pagi begini aku terasa macam nak type nonsense sket. Hari tu si Dolah tengah main main kat luar, tau tau kawan dia maki dia Buto, dia pon balik tanya mak dia, Mak Mak Buto tu apa, Mak dia tak nak cakap apa, so mak dia pon kata Buto tu kira datok ko lah. Esok nya kawan dia maki dia Sial, dia pon tanya mak dia lagi, mak dia kata ooo Sial tu kira buah-buahan lah. Esoknya lagi kawan dia maki dia Puki, dia tanya mak dia lagi, mak dia segan, lalu kata ooo Puki tu kira pakaian lah. Pastu Dolah pon main main kat luar rumah, dia nampak datuk dia datang jengok, plak tu atok dia ada pegang buah buahan. Dia pon teriak Yeh Yeh Buto Datang Bawak Sial. Atok dia pon mengamok lah, kuang ajiaqnya anak, sapa ajar ko begini, Mana Mak ko? Dolah pon menjawab, MAK KAT BILIK AIR CUCI PUKI, (Mak dia tengah basuh kain)

Muahahahahah.
Trip sakzz otak.

This is for the Guys Part 1

2007-06-23T17:17:00.000+08:00

so not trying to be mushy or whatsoever
i got this from somewhere
and
i think it hit the right spot for the 'GUYS DONT GET IT'
hehe..
enjoy reading!

If you base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for there are ups & downs in feelings. Girls are there to be loved, not TOYED around. Love her for who she is. Don't even think about changing any bit about her. 6 billion people in this world & 6 billion different personalities. She's special & she will stay that way. You change any part of her, you'll change her forever. Don't substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique in their own ways.

Love whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you so you'd better really treasure her. She could have just got up & dated so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead of all the others because of love. So love her guys, not play with her.

Don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or whatsoever. If you're with her, love her. Don't cause a strain in the relationship, you'll end up loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all. Respect love the way it is & everything will be the best it can be.

Don't expect perfection from her. She's the only one in the world & she's done the best she could.

Like another girl while you're in a relationship? Then I think it's time you remain single for a while. Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most tragic thing to do.

Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If you want her to tell you everything, do the same. Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling", how would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way? Be faithful, enough is enough.

Socialise only when you're single. You socialise & flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams. Get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.

It never kills to be romantic. Think, be flexible. Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like you. Something sweet & simple always get the job done. Money doesn't exist between couples, it's the love.

This is just part 1..got part 2 & 3
maybe will post the other parts next time

ha!

federation marriage

2007-06-23T01:52:00.000+08:00

yes indeed

wad Mas said is true

marriage is in the air

everybody is talking about marriage

everybody is talking about getting married

everybody IS getting married

...

hey you..

give yourself a break and stop coming into this blog

i really fucking hate you

you know who you are

...

i recently found out a secret

from mom

how could i ever think i'd be dead?

how could i ever think about killing myself?

i have never been happier to haf a mom like mine..

aku bersyukur aku masih bernyawa

and

i love my mom too much

...

i wish to bag this one

i really like K_ _ _ _ _

i deserve to be happy

and i will...one day

am i strong enough??

2007-06-19T12:15:00.000+08:00

im shaking
when im typing this
i cant help letting my eyes bleed with grief
i thought i could be strong for myself
the fact is...im a little overwhelm of what has happened
i hate being mean to people
and i dun want to be mean
im a very forgivable person
even to assholes
there are certain things that i could supress my ego into the minimum
i dun wan to be forgivable
for once, i would like to be selfish for myself
but
in nature..i just cant..
im always very vulnerable to being hurt
all the time
well...
before all these happen
i actually set aside a few hours of my time to design a t-shirt for you

4 straight hours to do this
i still believe in the "Things happen for a reason," kind of stuffs
so
while i deserve someone WAY better
my design deserve an owner WAY better too
WITH A PRICE
yes, im going to sell this design instead
...
the month of July
is going to be a busy month for me
which is good
i should do more designs and keep myself busy
coming up with designs are therepeutic
though im on anti-depressants
and on weekly therapy sessions
i should be able to keep myself on my two feet
the counsellor told me
to just do the things im best at
and
use my 24hours as much as I can
and not sit around feeling sorry for myself
if im doing well,
i dont have to see her again
and
not depend on anti-depressant pills anymore
i hate to think that im crazy
maybe your daily callings, "Giler!" really make me go crazy for real
thanks ar..
oh well...wad to do..??
i've indulged in swimming and running
im part of a designer team for SPUNK magazine
i should find pleasure in doing my assignments
i should
and
i should not think that ending my life would be a choice
my appetite is terrible...i dont eat as much either..
that will take some time though
hmm...
3 July: Appointment
6 July: CRS Project Presentation 1
7 July: Fadli's birthday
8 July: Lindah's Wedding Day
10 July: Appointment
12 July : SPUNK Magazine Launch Party at St. James Powerhouse
13 July: CRS Project Presentation 2
14 July : Flea Market @ *Scape
17 July: Hopefully the last appointment
...
lets face facts: You Ruin Me.
this is how much damage ONE person could make me
im in pieces
and
im never going to forgive what you did to me
and neither will my Dad
he's an angry person now
there is so much a person could take
...
time to take my pills now
and
go for another long,loooooong run

moving on...

2007-06-17T20:02:00.000+08:00

im definitely moving on..
im definitely going out and enjoying myself
definitely
hee
at least...
i still haf sab
when can i meet her again??
hmm...
im still quite pissed about the previous entry
that i wrote after Jon exclaimed in full confidence, "But I'm your bestfren!"
im like, "Pfft...Fuck shit!"
whatever la Jon, the whole last entry was for you
ha! bitch...
...
anyway..
meeting him was brief la
didnt expect wad to be expected
but definitely a laugh
and
I
AM
SO
SHY
.
.
.
ah shit...
forget it
bye

sometimes...

2007-06-13T19:38:00.000+08:00

sometimes..
people say that they'll be there for you
when actually...
they're not
they're just saying it so as to give you assurance
that you haf the assumption that that particular party
is the best fren u ever had
i got news for you...
until this person gives you a call when u are particularly down right at that moment
and soothes you to calmness,
then dats the best fren u ever had
otherwise..they're just words
words that doesnt meant anything
words that like an empty box
dont believe it..
heck..
the very moment i even think about telling you my problem
i should slap myself in the face and step back
coz
telling you is the most regretful thing i ever would haf divulged
the fact is...
you dont even cared
the fact is...
all you ever care is to find your _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
i would never depend on you on whatsoever
because you'll always leave me to tend on my own
...
i know i will never be left alone
theres always someone to pick me up in the end
for one
Fifie will always be there to give me a call every once a while
updating me on what is happening with him
or
asking me how am i doing
DESPITE
his busy life to be a good and filial son
he's been accepted as an SIA Engineer
i've never been more than happy for him
and i am going to his graduation party
to celebrate his achievements wif his mom
and
when Yan totally ruin my ideal momentum of happiness,
Fifie asked me, "What do you want to do?"
and i actually said, "I want to drive a knife to his heart and twist the knife over and over and over again.."
and Fifie laughed making me look like a total fool
at that point i just wanna smack him
"What I meant is what do you want to do...Definitely you want to do something fun for a change since you're free now.."
Heh..im so belo...yeah i suggested we went Johor for supper
and yeah
its been a loooooong time since we had fun
since i got hooked
by an asshole
the asshole who hates me going out wif fifie
ANYWAY,
HE is an example of the best fren you ever had
rite??
for the other, Maria
she's the one person i will never regret spilling my guts to
i tell her everything
you hear me asshole? EVERYTHING
everything about you too
every little thing you conceive of in another say...a month or so??
wad the hell..
fuck another bitch asshole
who knows wad might come up in nine months..
oh ya..back to Maria...
she knows everything that happen in my life
dats probably because she care
she care to pick up her phone, dial my number and ask me if im ok
she's the perfect fren
and i care about her alot too
i know her vulnerability is always been her shadow
she has been thru alot and it pains to hear her stories
i never imagine myself goin thru wad she has been thru
she's a strong woman
and therefore i need her
other than that
my
family
will
always
be
there
for
me
...
and thanks guys for wishing me happy birthday
esp. Dali: thanks for remembering...you're the first among all to wish me though sometimes you make me really mad with your constant verbiage, i really appreciate your priority to be there for me..oh well..after your girlfriend now that you haf one..heeeee..good luck man!
PEACE

hanging...

2007-06-10T13:16:00.000+08:00

i dont know what to do now
i just want to think
i think
and
think
and think
and
think
i might as well just shoot myself in the head
or hang myself in my room
hehe
nah..
these images actually goes thru my head
and i like it virtually
because someone
just made a shithead out of me
i dun need you
i dun anyone to treat me like piss to tell me
indirectly
that im not good enough
im never am good enough
neither is anyone
especially not you
man..you're a coward
you dodge when im around
its not like i want to care
im not stupid
u fucking coward
ha!
growing animosity has taken over me
i really hate you..
you're not really appreciative arent you
i accepted your dirty past
i accepted your social life
i accepted your shitness and your flaws
i accepted YOUR STUPID MISTAKE
i knew you were lying to me but i forgave you
you took advantage of my kindness
and you try to step over my head
since you cant do that,
you left me hanging
you thik i could be affected by that??
you think disappearing is going to make me bawl out my eyes, fall on my knees and ask you to come back to me again..
oh fuck..no way am i going to be that stupid again
it was a mistake..
and when you open your eyes tomorrow and the first thing that comes to your mind is to have the courage to give me a call
think about this bitch,
expect something more from me than a, "Mmmm..." in my conversation
im through
and
im done
i know wad an asshole and a coward you are
you are not wad you convinced me to be
you are as good as a fucking liar
right from the start
i have never meant this before
but now,
a matrep will always be a matrep
i will not forgive myself for believing in matreps like you
shitness...
...
im going for a loooong run now
hopefully,
im able
to
think and feel better
after the run..

wakey-wakey!

2007-06-03T19:53:00.000+08:00

my gosh...
wad an asshole
wad a fucking bastard
wad did i do??
whatever it is
i am not gonna let you get in my way
i got school to tink abt
thinking about u doesnt always make me happy
most of the time i'd be thinking
of how long this happiness is going to last
i have always been insecure
becoz i knew
diz will come again
and
you will hurt me time and time again
i should haf listened to Ida
i knew all along how right she is
but
i took a gamble
risk being hurt again
trying to believe
that maybe this time
you will make this right
and im so wrong
i keep telling myself
i dont deserve someone like you
honestly,
im a good person
i gave you so many chances
i hate myself for doing this to myself
for being so fucking stupid
each time believing you will not do this to me again
even though i ignored my insecurities
this is the last straw
i wanted to be strong
and thats what i will be
this is going to be over for me now
its time for me to do myself a favour
and stop being stupid
i cant have myself vulnerable to being hurt
again and again
i can live without you
i have always been independent
with or without you
i am never going to wait for you ever again
i've spared myself too much hope
i wont live long
so i wont spend the rest of my life giving chance to bastards like you
i rather spend it
knowing what a fucking asshole you are
so here's another finger for you

...
school has been tiring
the late nights are nothing compared to working in night life
at least i knew i work my ass off
for something better
and for my future
rather than i spend my nights at work
thinking
what the hell im doing with my life
now i can think about
what i will do with my life
im back to school now (and i made it without you)
it has been 2 months or so?
yeah maybe
and by this time we know who to group with and who NOT to group with
all i know is
I JUST WANT TO WORK ALONE
i work better that way anyway
i give quality work
and doing it alone give me the satisfaction of my own hard work
i hate group projects
...
ouhkay i tink i will go to sleep now
will be meeting sab for a Sentosa trip
to just chill out
just the 2 of us
it has always been great being with you, Sabby
...
OH!OH!
i was doing my work in school at one of the study benches the other day
and this guy approached me
and say that his friend wants to get to know me
i looked over to his friend (ouuuhkaay..his friend=pretty boy=definite cutie)
they were there all along i was there actually
i just naturally never notice people
i smiled and politely shook my head
(at that time i didnt know i was just being a stupid loyal bitch to an asshole)
"Huh? Why?" The friend asked, surprised that i just rejected his pretty friend then it came to him that i might be attached and then he went,"OH oook!So..wads your name?"
"Sue." the only thing i said throughout the whole conversation
then he walked back to his friend
straight away,i packed my laptop and my stuffs
and went home
earlier than expected
haha! i cant stand being in front of him after that..
a few days later,i bumped into that pretty boy
in
the
LRT
I felt like U-turning and wait for the next train
but it will seem obvious
i smiled back when he smiled shyly at me
but other than that, I deliberately be oblivious to my surrounding and him
malu sey
i bumped into him a few times after that
both in school and in the MRT or LRT
aku buat tak nampak aje...
haha...sorry pretty boy, i stop believing in sporty handsome guys a long time ago
though sporty guys are difficult to resist
i had enough of assholes actually
dunno wad he saw in me
i am this plain girl with the huge red frame specs
this is me in cartoon drawn with illustrator

...
anyway,Sab tagged me
so here goes...

Layer 1: On the Outside
name: suhaily salleh
birth date: ...
current status: im hanging
eye color: dark brown
hair color: reddish-brown
righty or lefty: right

Layer 2: On the Inside My Heritage:
my fears: i shant say..HOHO!
my weaknesses: im too nice to people
my perfect pizza: traditional round-base pizza, bbq chicken, green bell pepper, bbq sauce, chicken floss and lotsa mozarella

Layer 3: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
my thoughts first waking up: bath!
my bedtime: dunno..it varies
my most missed memory: my beloved grandma

Layer 4: My Pick
pepsi or coke: i grew out of the both of them..but i will choose coke
mcdonalds or burger king: burger king please!
single or group dates: single...quality time=some time alone (hee!)
adidas or nike: adidas of course! wad the hell...
tea or nestea: wads the difference?
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
cappuccino or coffee: they're both coffee..wad kind of choice is this??

Layer 5: Do you…
smoke: not anymore
curse: surprisingly minimal now
take a shower: duh..im a cleanliness freak
have a crush: yes of course
think you’ve been in love: define love. i dunno love.
go to school: yes...
believe in yourself: always
think you’re a health freak: ironically, im going to start my healthy regime tomorrow..hehe

Layer 6: In the past
drank alcohol: uh huh..and proudly, i quit
gone to the mall: who hasnt?
been on stage: been on stage and perform or just stand on stage..? hehe yes to both
eaten sushi: yes...but cant eat much variations..allergic to seafood
dyed your hair: never..contemplating whether i shoudld..should i?? :(

Layer 7: Have you ever…
played a stripping game: ahahaha! yes! with the guys but i was never the one who stripped..prolly because there were too many ppl playing..it was a scary game..never risk my dignity every again

Layer 8: Age you’re hoping…
to be married: yes..and the guy i wish to be married with turns out to be an asshole

Layer 9: In a guy
best eye color: doesnt matter
best hair color: natural hair colour

Layer 10: What were you doing…
a minute ago: blogging
1 hour ago: slepping
4.5 hours ago: was in lala land zzzz
1 month ago: exactly a month ago, i think i was slugging for my assignment
1 year ago: doing nothing with my life

Layer 11: Finish the sentences…
i love: myself! hehe
i feel: like shit actually
I hate: promises
I hide: my real self from other people
I miss: my grandma alot..the only person who makes me complete..but she's gone..now im incomplete
I need: some money to buy an external hard disk, a tablet and to disappear

Layer 12: Tag 5 people…
(01) mustaqimo
(02) my classmates
(03) anyone
(04) refer to (03)
(05) refer to (04)

matryr soldiers

2007-05-21T12:15:00.000+08:00

finally
i got my baby!
my very own laptop is HERE!
just have to wait
2nd june
for the Singtel guy
to pay me a little visit
to
setup the Mio wireless internet connection
in my own home
WHOOOPEEDOO
i am able to do my work
in peace
no more slugging to school for the internet
i can do my school work
in the convenience of my own.....
BED!
wahhahahahah!
just waiting for the arrival of my PC
so that lil' bro could use the PC to play his games
and not touch my laptop
hehe!
...
going out with Sabby
has always been great
there's always something to
talk about
laugh about
and
get angry at people
and
i cant forget the time when we had our very first Mc milkshake when McDonald reimburse its selling of milkshakes after years of eliminating it from its menu.
we went absolutely BONGKUS!
and
we will always be high in laughter
everytime we meet...
so...
it pays to skip some things
to just meet SAB..
want to meet her again!!
...
things have gone very smoothly between us
the instability is in him
not me
...
oh yes!
my 3 designs are done and submitted!
out of the 3,
im only am very proud of my 3D design..
will upload and show it to ya!
hehe!!!
...
cant wait to get my ass back on line
i have a feeling
i am going to leave everyone else's asses far behind
and i know i can do this
im enjoying every moment of it

disengage!

2007-05-14T11:02:00.000+08:00

i did my 3 designs
so far
he only accepted my 3D only
i have to configure more on my other two 2D design
which will be due
THIS THURSDAY (waaad the fucck...)
how?
how?
how?
one of my designs is stencil sey
take me 3-4 days to finish cutting the intricates
and he wants more of that stupid details
on a bigger surface
haikz...
where got time...
i tell you
in the end, after rendering and enquiring with the lecturer,
my designs
have evolved into HIS idea...
HIS designs but the one doing it is us..
hmmm...
i still have a mindmap and 10 journal entries due on friday
i cant possibly concentrate on this one stupid module which requires us to execute 3 bloody designs in 2weeks and an inability to please the lecturer with our own designs
what is the whole point??
...
this is my blog
so i say whatever the hell i want to say
...
baby going Indonesia for duty
will miss him till he comes back
...
bored
dread
dread
dread
bye!

malas nak layan

2007-05-07T11:32:00.000+08:00

your adverse scruntinity obviously catalyzes no reaction at all...
aku da malas nak layan pon...
ade jugak orang yang nak bace blog aku eh...
...
oh yeah
sab
wad the hell is up?
what happen sey...??
update me babe
...
i did 3D on Soul 'de arc and he wants me to add more to the model
im doing stencil for my 2nd design
im doing graphical urban art drawing for my 3rd design
i have exactly 10 short days to finish all 3 designs WITH a report
and
i have exactly 11 short days to finish mindmap and design journal printing
and i have another creative journal design junk to do
the 100 apple possible designs ongoing, a 10 design collage and a 300 word essay
symbolism project have to forcefully pushed aside
oh my...the execution of the local familiarity research on esplanade is due on FRIDAY
i need more resources, a damn computer, a printer and a hell lot of ink
more charcoal drawings (fuck!)
furthermore,
i need to practice my Illustrator (which i havent touched)
and that stupid bank consultant still have not faxed my loan agreement YET
i am yet to collect my paycheck which i really need but dun haf the time to collect
wad i really need is a BREAK..
...
everything is going as per normal
hopefully it last
im grateful

patience to enlightenment

2007-05-04T14:51:00.000+08:00

oh yeah
we did a very long talk
im still not so sure however
if we will be thoroughly solid
becoz
this sunday
is going to be one hell of a waiting day
the day i dont wanna know the outcomes
i hate to leave
and leaving with a thinking that he might be taken away
is so unacceptable to let go
i can take it now without anyone else involve
but
i cant embrace it if these people
come up with something
that
i cant accept...
how to?
is this the fate of my life?
can someone be forced to do things they dont wanna do?
can anyone get the things they want really badly?
why cant i be that someone who could preserve the whole that i love??
things used to turn out the way i actually wanted it to be
they way i've been asking for so long
so so long
and
when i got it,
little did i know how im about to lose my grip
i hate thinking about the future
i dont want to wait for the future
future will suck a whole lot
...
anyway,
been wanting to do a double date
with sabby and izhar
i think ar sab
go for the fireman la
and NOOOO
its not because we're both dating men in the same uniform
please...
becoz i think rite
matboy
he's not really a truthful person as it seems
he can just disappear whenever he wants to
and cook up some ass shit excuses
so you'll believe him
he's done it once
trust me,
he'll do it again
and throw you into the WHAT-HAVE-I-DONE-question
there's seriously nothing wrong with you and your looks
its just them
dont jeopardise yourself,girl
im not saying stay the hell away from him
i just want you to be hell well cautious
of
bastards
ORAIT?!!!
you know i'll always be there for you
im just a phonecall away
love ya loads loads loads!!
...
hmm...something to deliberate
i havent been myself lately
for the 2 weeks i was werking and schooling
both full-time
i was exhausted
i have ALOT in my mind
i didnt talk much
i wasnt the laser-mouth sue
i wasnt the sarcastic bitch
i wasnt wad others think im suppose to be
i am now the very conservative and quiet little girl
hehe
i keep to myself most of the time
ALL THE TIME
heh!
Dali and Wan will be damned to see me so damn quiet!
but they're both in NS now!
too bad...
i think joing the SPDJ would bring my wild side up on the surface
well...
during the interview,
i felt so welcome
and
so comfortable
I HOPE I GOT A PLACE
and
lose
$200
haha...
hmmm....

unwanted

2007-05-03T09:49:00.000+08:00

okay
how long has it been?
and today's entry,
i dont have a pic
hehe
orait
stupid computer crashed
i cant load anything up
i got difficulties in doing most of my school works
because
damn computer's absent
...
anyway,
i think the big 'B' doesnt want me anymore
he's been a total ignorami
just because he found out about that 'something'
its jeopardising our relationship
im not in the wrong
so why should i feel bad??
but i do feel bad
i really do
i feel extremely bad
for him
i just dont understand the sudden change
in him
towards us
or is it just me??
the thing is, he doesnt want to talk
and
i keep having these assumptions that im not wanted
maybe i am not wanted
but why prolong this?
why keep dragging the broken anchor
when all he could do is to just let go of the anchor and drift away freely
does he still want to stay?
and i keep
thinking
and thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
and the thinking never stops
the thinking is killing me
of course
i dont want it to end
but whats the point when you only clap on one hand??
i tried reeling him back to reality
and its like shaking a coma patient to wake up
...
on the event of the real truth
i bawled my eyes out in public
knowing the fact that i might lose someone i love
i have never felt so alone in my life
i was so contented at the way things have been going
when
one little glitch comes up
it just smack me right in the face
i was too shock to recover
until now
im struggling to keep my head up
and my heart focused
because the questions keep popping up
and
the answers never relief me
he seemed to have no other way of elightening me
we're still together
but something's missing
sometimes he here for me
other times, he just disappeared
and that other times,
i find comfort in Fifie
and Fifie told me to just be patient with him
maybe he's finding time to get around what he's facing
and i think
thats
kind of bullshit
because i dont find comfort in pushing me like piece of shit just because the product of your mistake is suddenly going to recover in 3 months has anything to do with my problem...
unless...
he wants to take responsibility
to both
i dont know...
he better act fast
coz im desperate
for answers

damaged

2007-02-19T14:49:00.000+08:00

i had never wanted

put you in my plaque

of disgrace

things haf changed

hasnt it

US.

you werent brotherly like u used to anymore

and the way you put me down

was

hurtful

"DONT TELL ANYONE ESP. SUE!"

wad the fuck

how does it fucking feel that sentence wif your name in it is thrown back in ur fuck face?

is that how you embarrassed me behind my back?

and

you talked to me like i didnt find out wad u did

your hypocrisy is so fucking transparent

OOOHH I CANT BARELY SEE THROUGH YOU!

HOW NAIVE AND STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?

fuck you for being such a jerk

you shithead!

-I dont spread shit rumours about people.Whatever comes to me, ends at me.-

and i fucking meant it

i tink its shit to go on spreading about people whom I THINK i trusted

but hey!

"DONT TELL ANYONE ESP. SUE!" crap is pissing me off!

people haf been asking me

where you were

and i resign the topic conversation

by saying "Oh! He's been working!"

pretending like there's nothing wrong

but YOU

ticks off the conversation by shrugging me off like a fucking piece of SHIT

and

you called me your........

im so not sorry for my unreasonable angst

for you wasnt wad i thought you should be

because i think I DESERVE BETTER

i dun need a big brother like you

i tink my REAL younger brother treats me better

to think about it,

i dun need your trust either

I STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE A LONG TIME AGO

so quit acting nice to me

ASSHOLE

...

oh yea

im werkin out

to tone back my muscle

and

flex em a lil bit more

so i could prepare them for swimming later

in my quest for going back to a sporty tomboy again

and

that quest pays a price: aches

my whole body is aching

i cant even straightened out my arms!

haha

...

ok bye

A Truce To Spread

2007-02-15T14:01:00.000+08:00

I QUIT!
I hate the aftermath
its super irritating
so i shall stay sober for now
or maybe
FOREVER.
ENOUGH
I think I should start taking
Sunday classes.
for my own sake.
i got out of control
under the influence of......
it hit me
that
im never going to be taken care of.
I
will
always
be
alone
...
4 schools.
1 interview.
2 sent documents
1 pending
if i didnt get any,
i really dont know what to say
...
oh ya..
anyway..

Partying at Bar None with the Rouge staff was the shit!
...
Fifie came down
just to send me
a box
of Frigor dark chocolate for Valentine's Day
I never really celebrate this stupid Day
but
it was so sweet of him la
i began
to miss
the late night talks
when we were neighbours
what he told me,
"Given the loyalties subjected by your status, its restrictive to relive history. Trust is an understatement and I shan't oblige."
I
nearly
cried
...
Eddie called.
from Canada
I
almost
choked
back
on
my
own
tears
sey...
when he joked and teased
on the phone,
i began to notice the familiarity
he hadnt changed a single bit
and
i realize
i miss him so much
...
I broke alot of nice people's heart
just to make
one person
ONE person
just ONE person happy.
Life is so unfair.

FINALLY

2007-02-09T14:43:00.000+08:00

obviously

i can do things

on my own

sadly,

you offering to help me

just

a waste of my precious time

------

OH!

the portfolio!

its done

just need to paste some pictures

and then im done

thanks sab for your help

...

tomorrow

the interview day

say good luck for me!

woohoo

...

you cant book out today

dats sad

just tired

2007-02-05T00:53:00.000+08:00

im tired
very tired
alot of things to be done
once work got off my back for the week
i haf to
think about
werking
on
my
portfolio
stoopid sey
10 pieces pulak tu
so the penat
...
i took a spoonful of ant poison
and
find
killing a whole colony of
ants
AMUSING
haha
one ant just ate the poison
before carrying back into its nest
and had the poison effect
almost immediately
it crumbles in pain
after 15mins it still rolling in pain
imagine the torture
wad a looooong paaainful death
...
i tink my tiredness
affects you so much
you think too much about us
man...
i hate this sey
people think too much
i still love you la
dont rail me straight into the ground can or not?
and yeah
i miss you too
very much
but wad can i do?
u're never always around
u cant do anything about it either
and
i totally understand
AND STOP ALL YOUR CONCEPTIONS
...
if i bag this interview
me and sab are goin for a celebration
must wow the interviewer
and
make other interviewees
piss
in their pants
with my portfolio
anyway,
i haf a mouth that connects very well with my brain
to talk
like as if i know wad the hell im doing
and
also fight for my right
hehe
my mouth comes in handy
MOST OF THE TIME!
...
wow
that lil' ant still crumbling
in its bleak intelligence of death
its all curled up now
soon it'll end its life
in the ordeal
of mass food poisoning
its fatal
...
my back aches
and
im super tired
gotta hit the sack!

strained

2007-01-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

im not blaming you for anything
i dun blame you
for your long absence
or your abrupt leave
to camp
i never did blame you
and
i never am angry
at
what you're supposed to do
why do you always have to think
that
everything is so wrong about us
all the time?
i dont get it
why you get all these misconceptions
im living my life
when u're in camp
i dont want to get tied up
i dont want to mope around
i got a life
and
i dont think you shud be tied down with me too
im making everyday
a routine
for me
so that the days i've spent
will be well spent for
and
soon time will be a breeze...
i say,
dont think too much
it's delusional
...
Saiful's death anniversary is around the corner
it pains
that
after 6 long years
after his death,
he reappeared
in my dream
and said, "Su da lupe Saiful ke?"
and he smiled
ever
so
sweetly
i forgot
how wonderful he was as a person
when
he's still alive.
i woke up
in a verge of breaking down
but i stopped myself
and
i remembered
how vulnerable i was when he left
how weak
how fragile...
i see his face everywhere
and
everytime dat happens,
i broke down
and
cry
it took me a year
to finally get over his sudden death
and
especially him
i couldnt bring myself
to just
break down
for him
now
it takes alot of determination
to get over him
and alot of strength
to keep everything
to myself
sometimes i just lay there and blank
and
most of the times,
i lose it in fits of anger
no one ever knew wad happened to me
the once sweet quiet conservative tomboy
had become a ferocious laser-mouth biatch
some people hates me for my change
others just took advantage
but
noone ever knew wad i've been through
and now,
the truth been out
i guessed i cant keep it much longer
wads the point?
i have never known Saiful's plot no
and
i shant know
i wouldnt want to bring him back
so i never did knew
the guys
were so supportive
they keep it to themselves
i just love them all
i've never visited his grave
i dun tink im strong enough
and
i dun want to take chances
he did alot for me
so much
maybe too much
he has the power to change me
and
dats wad he did
and he succeeded
he had loved me
and
i had loved him back
but
the relationship
is broken
by his death
it
just
breaks
me
i was shielded
and
concreted
no one could ever break me
after dat
i just break people
anger
made me slam others
no one dared to even touch me
no one could break me
until
my grandma died
i just collapsed
i was torn
knowing
that history has repeated itself
and
this time
the impact
bombed
me
to
pieces
i
am now
as
fragile
and as vulnerable
and
i stop trusting people

quick bitch-slap

2007-01-18T06:17:00.000+08:00

its been a loooong time

since i clicked onto your blog

which i rarely done

i mean RARELY

and i've looked through your pics

and

turning and sounding bitchy (im so going to be like so immature rite now)

i might not possess a strikingly pretty face

but

im still sportier than you

im still smarter than you

im still more mature than you

im still thinner than you (and you're always jealous of this!)

im not in denial

and

most of all im not into concept shit and fucks

enjoy your life,kid

if i start doing the 'my horse is bigger than your horse' kinda shit

i'll take a longer list

and im still better than you

apart from your super extra busy lifestyle

dissin' whores in miniskirts is way out

Thou shalt see who thou art first

see the way you've dressed la fuck...such fakes...uh..erm...eh...slut! nope..oops!...erm...urm...uhh...FOLLOWER!

oh man..i think im developing ticks...WHORE! wooopsie!

HA!

chained

2007-01-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

now i can type in peace
previous keyboard's a bitch
haha
...
i had a terrible, horrible day today
...
i shall claim my freedom
but
i cant
i think im tied up
both ways
one way or another
im chained
fuck you for being such a sympathetic bitch
whatever i say affects you so much
even though its not directed to you
my gosh...
you're just fucking petty
im so enough of you
...
read Sab's blog
touching sey
hey sab,
watever it is
me love you loads
cant forget the times you've stick with me
and
criticise the girlwhoshallnotbenamed
so much it makes me laugh
secondary school was
the best and the worst days of our lives
but glad i went through it
coz
without it,
i would never have met you...
-SPP
-Creative writing class
-English A-star class
-various leadership courses/camps
-sec 3 orientation camp
no wonder we're always together
i teach you maths in peer leader class
you try teaching me Malay
and asking me
time and time again
to just bloody read the Berita Harian
we sat together in Sec2
and you had fits
while i was deeply concentrated on
Singgam's scary science class
that memoir was the funniest
we loved to laugh in class
and had Ms. Cheng fed-up by our constant laughter
we're both in netball
oh! remember we went to national netball try-outs??
you got dissed by those bitches in your class
and
im dissing some bitch not in my class
we're in this together
cant forget sey
everytime you're always there for me
and
no matter wad,
im pissed if anyone try to diss you
ever..
...
my friends are pissed
they told me i worked too much
one of the guys told me
that
everytime they asked me out,
i had to work
and my Sundays are reserved for
either Sab
or
Yan
sorryla..
will work things out
dont worry
ape sey
penat tau..
...
i tink
it was lesbian nite at Acid
last night
it was sick
i nearly puke
and
the lesbians
arent pretty
yucks!
i wouldnt be a lesbian in Singapore
ha
so tak selera sey perempuans kat Singapore
eh
ish!
geli siak...
the thoughts of them kissing each other
just shudders me
blueak!!
...
i miss my baby alot la
...
oh yeah
i still hadnt had enough
dissing you,
bitch
you're puny shit

distant...

2007-01-14T16:18:00.000+08:00

I SERIOUSLY NEED A HOLIDAY!

Aint no sunshine when he's gone

its been raining cats and dogs

everyday

want to go for a swim

oso cannot

want to go sentosa

bad idea

i miss the sun so much...

where is the hot, bright and shining Singapore????

watever

...

i was initially planning to

shift blogging

livejournal

because blogger gave me problems

and i cant shift my blogs to the new blogger

and

i cant upload my pics in peace in here

i got fed up

told myself i shall do everything and shift to livejournal

but as i logged in blogger,

they offered a switch to the new blogger

with new functions

and everything's derives new

so i changed my mind

im sticking to blogspot

onli with a google accnt

google is making money shit

im so freaking want to be part of that

hehe

and blogger still gets on my nerves!
...

i dont understand

why SOME PEOPLE

have the habit

to leave their shit on the floor

and never clean after themselves

cook and eat and NEVER wash

leave tissue paper all over the floor

when the wastepaperbasket

is fucking

in within arms length

WAD THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM

its not like u have to fucking leave the room to throw shit

its in the room itself

and your dirty laundry

fuck it

it fouls up the whole room

haf the decency to put it in the laundry room

AND ITS NOT LIKE YOU WASH THEM ANYWAY

wads wrong wif just dumping your shit where it suppose to be dumped

just like wen u're crapping,

u know where to go!

wad a stupid bitch

and yes, im referring to YOU

your attitude

and

your habit

SUCKS!

and please

im not a fucking selfish person to begin with

i am now

because of you

wanna knoe why?

you fucking have the habit to use my things

without

my permission

AND I FUCKING HATE THAT

i fucking want my own fucking room

i fucking want my own private space

i fucking miss my small room (THAT CAN FUCKING FIT ONLY ONE PERSON)

and

all the ghosts i share the room with

i fucking want a place of my own

and fuck off from this place

and FROM YOU

u dirty bitch

i cant stand staying under one roof with you

cause i've had enough

im leaving

one day

i'll just pack my bags

and leave

and dat one particular day

might not be the day i am married

i'll be gone way before i get married

im leaving

soon

oh yeah

btw people,

am i able to...?

2006-12-12T01:08:00.000+08:00

all this time i've been thinking
and
now
i just dont know wad to think
anymore
.....
man...
this feelings haf grown
and
i really
really
really
really
really
really
hope that
they let you off
EVEN THOUGH
chances are slim
im not about to think about the outcomes
but
im not willing to let go either
...
i haf 2 pretty BIG job offers
while i am currently working in quite a stable job
and again
im in dilemma
both offers are equally tempting
both offers are equally better paid
and
both offers will have a good place in my resume
also
both have a place which i say open a higher post for me
whichever i choose,
i will have to keep my time, space and mind super busy
den
2 years will be a breeze
right?
haiz...
i dunno

a piece off my diary

2006-11-29T13:21:00.000+08:00

not really off my diary
every blogger faces one very common thing
an ass-wipe anoynymous reader
who
has nothing better to do
than diss to random bloggers
saying things like
we're ugly bitches (like as if we say we're pretty)
we're posers
whore
sluts
lame
fucked up blog
fake
so
on
and
so
forth
...
blah
blah
blah
.
.
.
.
some bloggers take it seriously
some just fuck it
some take it as a compliment
some just buat bodoh aje - macam takde pape gitu

but who cares anyway?
if the blog is fucked up,
why keep coming back and read for more?
ape steam sey u keep insulting us like that?
oh yea maybe it'll boost your fucking ego
doing smthing like dat
do la
boost it
wad u get in the end???
a big dick kapa?
relek ko pey muke sua...
nobody cared about how u look at me
or
in this case,
my own bestfren
wad u didnt knoe is wads inside
how cud some relative COWARD just fuck my bestfren up like dat
mak kau...
rabak siol..
seriously
the computer feels nothing
and my bestfren have a freaking clever way to put things in perspective
haha
how she diss him back
was
freaking funny
WAY TO GO SABBY!!
oh
and he has the cheek to cum back and made a long ass comment
saying shit
and
saying he's not coming back
WAD THE FUCK LA
i haf a feeeeeling
that
you will come back
my GOD
leave it
...
my bruise
is
being so closefrens to girls
my bad
i shouldnt break my own rule
of being frens close enough wif a girl
unless
i know her for more than 6 fucking years
wad i did for her
was...
man...
forget it
whatever la
i am just going to bring my rule back to the surface
im sorry if i look so damn sombong
im sorry i just smile at ya and nothing more
im sorry i wont go out for an all girls outing
unless if you're a girl name SITI SABARIAH BINTE NORMAN
im sorry i dont see you out in the street
i want nothing more than just acquaintances
hi-bye
and
thats it
my sisters are more reassuring
and
i rather spend my time
with
dear...
time is running out,baby
quick!

im dead

2006-11-23T04:51:00.000+08:00

i am
in
complete
dilemma...
i dont know
how to choose
between two
i cant help myself
i dont know
what i want
or
how i feel
or to feel
im not a bad person
i dont want to be
i am pressure
to
make it right diz time
what should i do?
i
just
dont
know
...
diz isnt fair
it never is
.
.
.
.
.
.
dont try anything on me
just..
let me think......

devoted

2006-11-17T14:21:00.000+08:00

he's away for the weekend...
...
somebody
IS JUST SO
CHEEKY
I HATE HIM!
GO AWAY LA
YOU...YOU...
PARASITE YOU!
leave me alone la
bLAAARdie hell
...
OH!OH!OH!OH!
playstation 3!!!!!!
i want!
i want!
cant wait for its release here!
it'll be the best companion beside my bedroom TV
and an upcoming DVD player that i'll be buying soon
care to buy me this as a gift???
hehe
i will love you!
HAHAHAHA!! nolar
kidding only...SO NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON!
i buy myself
den i will love me!
...
eh
im losing weight
drastically la
the weighing scale tipped off 2kg off my normal 50kg weight
if i lose another kilo,
i'll be hell underweight
can stop losing weight or not??
i dunwanna look like hell
people ard me are dieting
im not
but
i seem to be the one
to
lose
the weight
and
i just ate double choc chip cookies
from Famous Amos yesterday
and its not helping
I DUNWANNA BE SCRAWNY!!!

Bruises

2006-11-13T14:20:00.000+08:00

The Burden
my family's financial burden is beating the hell out of my back
i took the reins on certain bills
hell i cant do it on my own
her ignorance in this family is backstabbing
her zero contribution to the family is killing me
and
im not about to turn my back on my Dad
and
so
i want her out
so badly
my family's problem,isnt a burden
SHE's the burden
...

The Turning Point
and really
i dun care about
your past
yes,wad you did was wrong
and no,i haf never questioned you before
i never had the right to
people learn from their mistakes
some people learn it the hard way
and i think
dats the best way of learning
bcoz
it leaves a scar that u would remember
for the rest of your life
and
its telling you
not to repeat the dirty past
this is the present
if you look at the scar now,
u see dat its healing
because u haf changed to what it takes to heal
and
it takes a lot of strength
to overcome what you've been through
what matters is now
what matters is the way you are now
when you smile,it just lights up the whole room
wad i've been through,
i just love to see you smile
all the time
...

The neighbour
he's moving out
yea
bcoz his mom wants to be nearer to the sister
or something
somewhere near Toa Payoh
or whatever
before i knew it, there are people viewing the apartment
they've been looking for a flat in TP for months
and
i was kept in the dark all along
good for me
padan muke aku
maybe they're moving out next month
wohoo
ape-ape la
...

The 2nd job
no i didnt get it
hahaha
i almost turn the interview into a fight
SOOOO FREAKIN RACIST
our coversation was heated
i was so sure i wouldnt be able to get it
once i see the look on her face
when I turn up
when i saw the look
i just want to scoff, turn around and leave
but i didnt
i sat down
gave her the smile
and was ready for a debate
"You're applying for part-time?"
"Yes, it says so in the application" (You blind??!)
"How long do you want to work as a part-timer here?"
"Oh! Im planning to work permanent part-time here" (Yeah right..once i finish paying for my laptop,i'll be gone)
"Are you studying?"
"Nope."
"If you're not studying, den why isnt full-time a choice?"
(because you're a sadass interviewer who is finding a reason to reject me) "Oh i actually have a part-time job at night so im looking for a daytime job here"
"does your company allows you to do that?"
"do what? im just a part-timer"
"some companies haf this policy that doesnt allow their staffs to work 2 part-time jobs at the same time"
(wad a load of bull!) "Why? im just doing part-time and there are people who werk day jobs in my place."
"so are you bilingual?"
(oh for fuck sake!) "Bilingual in what? English and Malay? yes i am"
"i meant English and Mandarin"
(oh yea..ninabeychochibai!) "Is that a necessity?"
"People comes here from different walks of life."
"and they all speak Mandarin??"
"some people can only speak Mandarin"
"oh people who are intellectually disable in common English is Mandarin speaking? I dont see your point for Chinese language to be a must in this."
"my point is..."
"your point is only chinese is applicable for this job? Now why didnt you just say so in the advertisement so i wouldnt waste my time here!"
"you'll be called in if you're shorlisted."
"oh dont bother."

oh yea...i was sarcastic ALL along

i just saw my future in this dump
its never gonna happen
im so fucking out of here

does your guy love kids??

2006-11-11T07:01:00.000+08:00

my mom told me before
not to wait up for a guy
if he's taking his time
dun waste your fuckin time
waiting..
just move on, she says
when a better one comes along,
dun turn back
coz
the guy you've painstakingly wait
isnt worth your patience
at all
especially when you are the kind of person
who
posseses
NO
PATIENCE
AT
ALL...
my mom is right.
i've been waiting for _ _ _ _
but he turns his back on me
all the time.
wad my mom had said
opens me so much
and this _ _ _ _ here
is loooong forgotten
after my talk wif mom.
as
a better one does comes along...
and
its
DEFINITELY
NOT
FIFIE.
oh yea,he has looks and all
loves his mom alot and i respected guys like dat
got a stable job
very nice guy, very generous, extremely patient.
and NEVER gets angry. i mean NEVER.
and also
he has a bank account
that he could just marry you off straight away
and
jet you off to a honeymoon of your choice
AND
probably secure a place in a university for your child
sounds perfect?
yea maybe for you..
i knew him long enough to know
how boring he is
there i said it
so dun keep saying how u tink dat i will end up marrying him
because
i will never be more than friends with him
i rather haf an explorative surgery without anaesthetic than staying under one roof wif him
he'd better stay as my good fren
oh well...
he told me he dont like being around kids
he said they're too....
noisy.
and
i
hate
that
comment
to this very day.
and
every single day
this comment of his BITES me
because
I LOVE KIDS
to the max.
and its BYE-BYE
to those
males or females
who
says
they hate kids.

and here are some elightenments
for
myself...

Halloween 2006

2006-11-10T18:13:00.000+08:00

yes, the pics are up
all from nightlife
so...

THOU SHALT NOT FEAR

ROUGE's DUNGEON OF PAIN

guarded by our big bulky scary-or not so scary looking guards

and

meet

our crazy bartenders

meet you very own dead ASKARS

and when you go to alleybar...

man...ya'll need to relocate

and

call our very own trusted bomoh

ASKARS RULES!!!!

2006-11-02T05:13:00.000+08:00

actually
SOUL ASKARS RULE!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD
I
AM
SO
FUCKING
EXCITED
FUCKING
HELL
FUCKING
EXCITED
I
CANNOT
BELIEVE
MY
EYES
OR
MYSELF
OH
FUCKING
HELL
HELP
ME
RECOVER
FROM
THIS
SHOCK
GO TO
http://www.fleshimpanniversary.com/shortlisted_4.html
AND SCROLL UNTIL THE END
SEE THAT
SUHAILY SALLEH???
YOU
SEE
THAT!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
IM
FUCKING
SHAKING
SHAKE
SHAKE
SHAKE
LIKE
HELL
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
SAB
PLEASE
HELP
ME
CALM
DOWN
SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBB!!!!
FUCK NO!
NO!
FUCK YES!
THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ISNT IT?
GET AS MANY SUPPORTERS WILL YOU GUYS??
WILL YA?!!!
WILL YA?!!!
WILL YA?!!!
IM GOING CRAZY
RECOVER
RECOVER
RECOVER
RECOVERING....
RECOVering....
reCOVering....
recovered!
thanks to Sab (Soul)
for her
sleepless night
and
her patience
with me and my fickle-mind
and that RGB thing dat refuse to change its colour
we did this design all over again
3 times!
thanks alot Sab!!!
love u loads.
this is our other design that didnt make it

but its ok
SAAAABBB!!! WE MADE IT!!!
woooohoooooooo!!!!!

mark this date: 1st Dec
this will be the day
they announce
the winner
*pray hard!*

i am askars
dis is WAAARR!!