strained
im not blaming you for anythingi dun blame you
for your long absence
or your abrupt leave
to camp
i never did blame you
and
i never am angry
at
what you're supposed to do
why do you always have to think
that
everything is so wrong about us
all the time?
i dont get it
why you get all these misconceptions
im living my life
when u're in camp
i dont want to get tied up
i dont want to mope around
i got a life
and
i dont think you shud be tied down with me too
im making everyday
a routine
for me
so that the days i've spent
will be well spent for
and
soon time will be a breeze...
i say,
dont think too much
it's delusional
...
Saiful's death anniversary is around the corner
it pains
that
after 6 long years
after his death,
he reappeared
in my dream
and said, "Su da lupe Saiful ke?"
and he smiled
ever
so
sweetly
i forgot
how wonderful he was as a person
when
he's still alive.
i woke up
in a verge of breaking down
but i stopped myself
and
i remembered
how vulnerable i was when he left
how weak
how fragile...
i see his face everywhere
and
everytime dat happens,
i broke down
and
cry
it took me a year
to finally get over his sudden death
and
especially him
i couldnt bring myself
to just
break down
for him
now
it takes alot of determination
to get over him
and alot of strength
to keep everything
to myself
sometimes i just lay there and blank
and
most of the times,
i lose it in fits of anger
no one ever knew wad happened to me
the once sweet quiet conservative tomboy
had become a ferocious laser-mouth biatch
some people hates me for my change
others just took advantage
but
noone ever knew wad i've been through
and now,
the truth been out
i guessed i cant keep it much longer
wads the point?
i have never known Saiful's plot no
and
i shant know
i wouldnt want to bring him back
so i never did knew
the guys
were so supportive
they keep it to themselves
i just love them all
i've never visited his grave
i dun tink im strong enough
and
i dun want to take chances
he did alot for me
so much
maybe too much
he has the power to change me
and
dats wad he did
and he succeeded
he had loved me
and
i had loved him back
but
the relationship
is broken
by his death
it
just
breaks
me
i was shielded
and
concreted
no one could ever break me
after dat
i just break people
anger
made me slam others
no one dared to even touch me
no one could break me
until
my grandma died
i just collapsed
i was torn
knowing
that history has repeated itself
and
this time
the impact
bombed
me
to
pieces
i
am now
as
fragile
and as vulnerable
and
i stop trusting people
00:15
quick bitch-slap
its been a loooong time
since i clicked onto your blog
which i rarely done
i mean RARELY
and i've looked through your pics
and
turning and sounding bitchy (im so going to be like so immature rite now)
i might not possess a strikingly pretty face
but
im still sportier than you
im still smarter than you
im still more mature than you
im still thinner than you (and you're always jealous of this!)
im not in denial
and
most of all im not into concept shit and fucks
enjoy your life,kid
if i start doing the 'my horse is bigger than your horse' kinda shit
i'll take a longer list
and im still better than you
apart from your super extra busy lifestyle
dissin' whores in miniskirts is way out
as
Thou shalt see who thou art first
see the way you've dressed la fuck...such fakes...uh..erm...eh...slut! nope..oops!...erm...urm...uhh...FOLLOWER!
oh man..i think im developing ticks...WHORE! wooopsie!
HA!
Labels: bitch-slap
06:17
chained
now i can type in peaceprevious keyboard's a bitch
haha
...
i had a terrible, horrible day today
...
i shall claim my freedom
but
i cant
i think im tied up
both ways
one way or another
im chained
fuck you for being such a sympathetic bitch
whatever i say affects you so much
even though its not directed to you
my gosh...
you're just fucking petty
im so enough of you
...
read Sab's blog
touching sey
hey sab,
watever it is
me love you loads
cant forget the times you've stick with me
and
criticise the girlwhoshallnotbenamed
so much it makes me laugh
secondary school was
the best and the worst days of our lives
but glad i went through it
coz
without it,
i would never have met you...
-SPP
-Creative writing class
-English A-star class
-various leadership courses/camps
-sec 3 orientation camp
no wonder we're always together
i teach you maths in peer leader class
you try teaching me Malay
and asking me
time and time again
to just bloody read the Berita Harian
we sat together in Sec2
and you had fits
while i was deeply concentrated on
Singgam's scary science class
that memoir was the funniest
we loved to laugh in class
and had Ms. Cheng fed-up by our constant laughter
we're both in netball
oh! remember we went to national netball try-outs??
you got dissed by those bitches in your class
and
im dissing some bitch not in my class
we're in this together
cant forget sey
everytime you're always there for me
and
no matter wad,
im pissed if anyone try to diss you
ever..
...
my friends are pissed
they told me i worked too much
one of the guys told me
that
everytime they asked me out,
i had to work
and my Sundays are reserved for
either Sab
or
Yan
sorryla..
will work things out
dont worry
ape sey
penat tau..
...
i tink
it was lesbian nite at Acid
last night
it was sick
i nearly puke
and
the lesbians
arent pretty
yucks!
i wouldnt be a lesbian in Singapore
ha
so tak selera sey perempuans kat Singapore
eh
ish!
geli siak...
the thoughts of them kissing each other
just shudders me
blueak!!
...
i miss my baby alot la
...
oh yeah
i still hadnt had enough
dissing you,
bitch
you're puny shit
Labels: friend in need
00:06
distant...
I SERIOUSLY NEED A HOLIDAY!
Aint no sunshine when he's gone
its been raining cats and dogs
everyday
want to go for a swim
oso cannot
want to go sentosa
bad idea
i miss the sun so much...
where is the hot, bright and shining Singapore????
watever
...
i was initially planning to
shift blogging
to
livejournal
because blogger gave me problems
and i cant shift my blogs to the new blogger
and
i cant upload my pics in peace in here
i got fed up
told myself i shall do everything and shift to livejournal
but as i logged in blogger,
they offered a switch to the new blogger
with new functions
and everything's derives new
so i changed my mind
im sticking to blogspot
onli with a google accnt
google is making money shit
im so freaking want to be part of that
hehe
and blogger still gets on my nerves!
...
...
i dont understand
why SOME PEOPLE
have the habit
to leave their shit on the floor
and never clean after themselves
cook and eat and NEVER wash
leave tissue paper all over the floor
when the wastepaperbasket
is fucking
in within arms length
WAD THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM
its not like u have to fucking leave the room to throw shit
its in the room itself
and your dirty laundry
fuck it
it fouls up the whole room
haf the decency to put it in the laundry room
AND ITS NOT LIKE YOU WASH THEM ANYWAY
wads wrong wif just dumping your shit where it suppose to be dumped
just like wen u're crapping,
u know where to go!
wad a stupid bitch
and yes, im referring to YOU
your attitude
and
your habit
SUCKS!
and please
im not a fucking selfish person to begin with
i am now
because of you
wanna knoe why?
you fucking have the habit to use my things
without
my permission
AND I FUCKING HATE THAT
i fucking want my own fucking room
i fucking want my own private space
i fucking miss my small room (THAT CAN FUCKING FIT ONLY ONE PERSON)
and
all the ghosts i share the room with
i fucking want a place of my own
and fuck off from this place
and FROM YOU
u dirty bitch
i cant stand staying under one roof with you
cause i've had enough
im leaving
one day
i'll just pack my bags
and leave
and dat one particular day
might not be the day i am married
i'll be gone way before i get married
im leaving
soon
oh yeah
btw people,
Labels: Leaving
16:18
