am i strong enough??
im shaking
when im typing this
i cant help letting my eyes bleed with grief
i thought i could be strong for myself
the fact is...im a little overwhelm of what has happened
i hate being mean to people
and i dun want to be mean
im a very forgivable person
even to assholes
there are certain things that i could supress my ego into the minimum
i dun wan to be forgivable
for once, i would like to be selfish for myself
but
in nature..i just cant..
im always very vulnerable to being hurt
all the time
well...
before all these happen
i actually set aside a few hours of my time to design a t-shirt for you
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4 straight hours to do this
i still believe in the "Things happen for a reason," kind of stuffs
so
while i deserve someone WAY better
my design deserve an owner WAY better too
WITH A PRICE
yes, im going to sell this design instead
...
the month of July
is going to be a busy month for me
which is good
i should do more designs and keep myself busy
coming up with designs are therepeutic
though im on anti-depressants
and on weekly therapy sessions
i should be able to keep myself on my two feet
the counsellor told me
to just do the things im best at
and
use my 24hours as much as I can
and not sit around feeling sorry for myself
if im doing well,
i dont have to see her again
and
not depend on anti-depressant pills anymore
i hate to think that im crazy
maybe your daily callings, "Giler!" really make me go crazy for real
thanks ar..
oh well...wad to do..??
i've indulged in swimming and running
im part of a designer team for SPUNK magazine
i should find pleasure in doing my assignments
i should
and
i should not think that ending my life would be a choice
my appetite is terrible...i dont eat as much either..
that will take some time though
hmm...
3 July: Appointment
6 July: CRS Project Presentation 1
7 July: Fadli's birthday
8 July: Lindah's Wedding Day
10 July: Appointment
12 July : SPUNK Magazine Launch Party at St. James Powerhouse
13 July: CRS Project Presentation 2
14 July : Flea Market @ *Scape
17 July: Hopefully the last appointment
...
lets face facts: You Ruin Me.
this is how much damage ONE person could make me
im in pieces
and
im never going to forgive what you did to me
and neither will my Dad
he's an angry person now
there is so much a person could take
...
time to take my pills now
and
go for another long,loooooong run
12:15
