- mizzhaily turns red

matryr soldiers

finally
i got my baby!
my very own laptop is HERE!
just have to wait
2nd june
for the Singtel guy
to pay me a little visit
to
setup the Mio wireless internet connection
in my own home
WHOOOPEEDOO
i am able to do my work
in peace
no more slugging to school for the internet
i can do my school work
in the convenience of my own.....
BED!
wahhahahahah!
just waiting for the arrival of my PC
so that lil' bro could use the PC to play his games
and not touch my laptop
hehe!
...
going out with Sabby
has always been great
there's always something to
talk about
laugh about
and
get angry at people
and
i cant forget the time when we had our very first Mc milkshake when McDonald reimburse its selling of milkshakes after years of eliminating it from its menu.
we went absolutely BONGKUS!
and
we will always be high in laughter
everytime we meet...
so...
it pays to skip some things
to just meet SAB..
want to meet her again!!
...
things have gone very smoothly between us
the instability is in him
not me
...
oh yes!
my 3 designs are done and submitted!
out of the 3,
im only am very proud of my 3D design..
will upload and show it to ya!
hehe!!!
...
cant wait to get my ass back on line
i have a feeling
i am going to leave everyone else's asses far behind
and i know i can do this
im enjoying every moment of it

12:15

disengage!

i did my 3 designs
so far
he only accepted my 3D only
i have to configure more on my other two 2D design
which will be due
THIS THURSDAY (waaad the fucck...)
how?
how?
how?
one of my designs is stencil sey
take me 3-4 days to finish cutting the intricates
and he wants more of that stupid details
on a bigger surface
haikz...
where got time...
i tell you
in the end, after rendering and enquiring with the lecturer,
my designs
have evolved into HIS idea...
HIS designs but the one doing it is us..
hmmm...
i still have a mindmap and 10 journal entries due on friday
i cant possibly concentrate on this one stupid module which requires us to execute 3 bloody designs in 2weeks and an inability to please the lecturer with our own designs
what is the whole point??
...
this is my blog
so i say whatever the hell i want to say
...
baby going Indonesia for duty
will miss him till he comes back
...
bored
dread
dread
dread
bye!

11:02

malas nak layan

your adverse scruntinity obviously catalyzes no reaction at all...
aku da malas nak layan pon...
ade jugak orang yang nak bace blog aku eh...
...
oh yeah
sab
wad the hell is up?
what happen sey...??
update me babe
...
i did 3D on Soul 'de arc and he wants me to add more to the model
im doing stencil for my 2nd design
im doing graphical urban art drawing for my 3rd design
i have exactly 10 short days to finish all 3 designs WITH a report
and
i have exactly 11 short days to finish mindmap and design journal printing
and i have another creative journal design junk to do
the 100 apple possible designs ongoing, a 10 design collage and a 300 word essay
symbolism project have to forcefully pushed aside
oh my...the execution of the local familiarity research on esplanade is due on FRIDAY
i need more resources, a damn computer, a printer and a hell lot of ink
more charcoal drawings (fuck!)
furthermore,
i need to practice my Illustrator (which i havent touched)
and that stupid bank consultant still have not faxed my loan agreement YET
i am yet to collect my paycheck which i really need but dun haf the time to collect
wad i really need is a BREAK..
...
everything is going as per normal
hopefully it last
im grateful

11:32

patience to enlightenment

oh yeah
we did a very long talk
im still not so sure however
if we will be thoroughly solid
becoz
this sunday
is going to be one hell of a waiting day
the day i dont wanna know the outcomes
i hate to leave
and leaving with a thinking that he might be taken away
is so unacceptable to let go
i can take it now without anyone else involve
but
i cant embrace it if these people
come up with something
that
i cant accept...
how to?
is this the fate of my life?
can someone be forced to do things they dont wanna do?
can anyone get the things they want really badly?
why cant i be that someone who could preserve the whole that i love??
things used to turn out the way i actually wanted it to be
they way i've been asking for so long
so so long
and
when i got it,
little did i know how im about to lose my grip
i hate thinking about the future
i dont want to wait for the future
future will suck a whole lot
...
anyway,
been wanting to do a double date
with sabby and izhar
i think ar sab
go for the fireman la
and NOOOO
its not because we're both dating men in the same uniform
please...
becoz i think rite
matboy
he's not really a truthful person as it seems
he can just disappear whenever he wants to
and cook up some ass shit excuses
so you'll believe him
he's done it once
trust me,
he'll do it again
and throw you into the WHAT-HAVE-I-DONE-question
there's seriously nothing wrong with you and your looks
its just them
dont jeopardise yourself,girl
im not saying stay the hell away from him
i just want you to be hell well cautious
of
bastards
ORAIT?!!!
you know i'll always be there for you
im just a phonecall away
love ya loads loads loads!!
...
hmm...something to deliberate
i havent been myself lately
for the 2 weeks i was werking and schooling
both full-time
i was exhausted
i have ALOT in my mind
i didnt talk much
i wasnt the laser-mouth sue
i wasnt the sarcastic bitch
i wasnt wad others think im suppose to be
i am now the very conservative and quiet little girl
hehe
i keep to myself most of the time
ALL THE TIME
heh!
Dali and Wan will be damned to see me so damn quiet!
but they're both in NS now!
too bad...
i think joing the SPDJ would bring my wild side up on the surface
well...
during the interview,
i felt so welcome
and
so comfortable
I HOPE I GOT A PLACE
and
lose
$200
haha...
hmmm....

14:51

unwanted

okay
how long has it been?
and today's entry,
i dont have a pic
hehe
orait
stupid computer crashed
i cant load anything up
i got difficulties in doing most of my school works
because
damn computer's absent
...
anyway,
i think the big 'B' doesnt want me anymore
he's been a total ignorami
just because he found out about that 'something'
its jeopardising our relationship
im not in the wrong
so why should i feel bad??
but i do feel bad
i really do
i feel extremely bad
for him
i just dont understand the sudden change
in him
towards us
or is it just me??
the thing is, he doesnt want to talk
and
i keep having these assumptions that im not wanted
maybe i am not wanted
but why prolong this?
why keep dragging the broken anchor
when all he could do is to just let go of the anchor and drift away freely
does he still want to stay?
and i keep
thinking
and thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
thinking
and the thinking never stops
the thinking is killing me
of course
i dont want it to end
but whats the point when you only clap on one hand??
i tried reeling him back to reality
and its like shaking a coma patient to wake up
...
on the event of the real truth
i bawled my eyes out in public
knowing the fact that i might lose someone i love
i have never felt so alone in my life
i was so contented at the way things have been going
when
one little glitch comes up
it just smack me right in the face
i was too shock to recover
until now
im struggling to keep my head up
and my heart focused
because the questions keep popping up
and
the answers never relief me
he seemed to have no other way of elightening me
we're still together
but something's missing
sometimes he here for me
other times, he just disappeared
and that other times,
i find comfort in Fifie
and Fifie told me to just be patient with him
maybe he's finding time to get around what he's facing
and i think
thats
kind of bullshit
because i dont find comfort in pushing me like piece of shit just because the product of your mistake is suddenly going to recover in 3 months has anything to do with my problem...
unless...
he wants to take responsibility
to both
i dont know...
he better act fast
coz im desperate
for answers

09:49