damaged
i had never wanted
to
put you in my plaque
of disgrace
things haf changed
hasnt it
US.
you werent brotherly like u used to anymore
and the way you put me down
was
hurtful
"DONT TELL ANYONE ESP. SUE!"
wad the fuck
how does it fucking feel that sentence wif your name in it is thrown back in ur fuck face?
is that how you embarrassed me behind my back?
and
you talked to me like i didnt find out wad u did
your hypocrisy is so fucking transparent
OOOHH I CANT BARELY SEE THROUGH YOU!
HOW NAIVE AND STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?
fuck you for being such a jerk
you shithead!
-I dont spread shit rumours about people.Whatever comes to me, ends at me.-
and i fucking meant it
i tink its shit to go on spreading about people whom I THINK i trusted
but hey!
"DONT TELL ANYONE ESP. SUE!" crap is pissing me off!
people haf been asking me
where you were
and i resign the topic conversation
by saying "Oh! He's been working!"
pretending like there's nothing wrong
but YOU
ticks off the conversation by shrugging me off like a fucking piece of SHIT
and
you called me your........
im so not sorry for my unreasonable angst
for you wasnt wad i thought you should be
because i think I DESERVE BETTER
i dun need a big brother like you
i tink my REAL younger brother treats me better
to think about it,
i dun need your trust either
I STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE A LONG TIME AGO
so quit acting nice to me
ASSHOLE
...
oh yea
im werkin out
to tone back my muscle
and
flex em a lil bit more
so i could prepare them for swimming later
in my quest for going back to a sporty tomboy again
and
that quest pays a price: aches
my whole body is aching
i cant even straightened out my arms!
haha
...
ok bye
Labels: trust is a lie
14:49
A Truce To Spread
I QUIT!I hate the aftermath
its super irritating
so i shall stay sober for now
or maybe
FOREVER.
ENOUGH
I think I should start taking
Sunday classes.
for my own sake.
i got out of control
under the influence of......
it hit me
that
im never going to be taken care of.
I
will
always
be
alone
...
4 schools.
1 interview.
2 sent documents
1 pending
if i didnt get any,
i really dont know what to say
...
oh ya..
anyway..
Partying at Bar None with the Rouge staff was the shit!
...
Fifie came down
just to send me
a box
of Frigor dark chocolate for Valentine's Day
I never really celebrate this stupid Day
but
it was so sweet of him la
i began
to miss
the late night talks
when we were neighbours
what he told me,
"Given the loyalties subjected by your status, its restrictive to relive history. Trust is an understatement and I shan't oblige."
I
nearly
cried
...
Eddie called.
from Canada
I
almost
choked
back
on
my
own
tears
sey...
when he joked and teased
on the phone,
i began to notice the familiarity
he hadnt changed a single bit
and
i realize
i miss him so much
...
I broke alot of nice people's heart
just to make
one person
ONE person
just ONE person happy.
Life is so unfair.
Labels: life is unfair
14:01
FINALLY
obviously
i can do things
on my own
sadly,
you offering to help me
is
just
a waste of my precious time
------
OH!
the portfolio!
its done
just need to paste some pictures
and then im done
thanks sab for your help
...
tomorrow
is
the interview day
say good luck for me!
woohoo
...
you cant book out today
dats sad
Labels: shoot myself in the head
14:43
just tired
im tiredvery tired
alot of things to be done
once work got off my back for the week
i haf to
think about
werking
on
my
portfolio
stoopid sey
10 pieces pulak tu
so the penat
...
i took a spoonful of ant poison
and
find
killing a whole colony of
ants
AMUSING
haha
one ant just ate the poison
before carrying back into its nest
and had the poison effect
almost immediately
it crumbles in pain
after 15mins it still rolling in pain
imagine the torture
wad a looooong paaainful death
...
i tink my tiredness
affects you so much
you think too much about us
man...
i hate this sey
people think too much
i still love you la
dont rail me straight into the ground can or not?
and yeah
i miss you too
very much
but wad can i do?
u're never always around
u cant do anything about it either
and
i totally understand
AND STOP ALL YOUR CONCEPTIONS
...
if i bag this interview
me and sab are goin for a celebration
must wow the interviewer
and
make other interviewees
piss
in their pants
with my portfolio
anyway,
i haf a mouth that connects very well with my brain
to talk
like as if i know wad the hell im doing
and
also fight for my right
hehe
my mouth comes in handy
MOST OF THE TIME!
...
wow
that lil' ant still crumbling
in its bleak intelligence of death
its all curled up now
soon it'll end its life
in the ordeal
of mass food poisoning
its fatal
...
my back aches
and
im super tired
gotta hit the sack!
Labels: portfolio
00:53
